Beyond Hope
by Tonks32
Summary: My take on the season 3 finale. Castle refuses to leave his partner's side. Beckett has to fight for her life and who better to help her then the man who would have taken a bullet for her.
1. Bang

Okay I broke down and wrote my own story about the finale! Enjoy!

* * *

><p>"Kate!"<p>

He was moving before her name fully left his lips. To his horror he heard the unmistakable sound of a gunshot and watched her hunch just as his body connected with hers. Castle snaked an arm around her waist twisting so his body shielded hers in case any more shots were fired. The force of his body threw them back a good five feet from the podium and sent her hat flying to god knows where. They crashed to the grass and Castle heard the wind being knocked out from the woman beneath him. For a moment, Castle registered the screams and utter chaos that had erupted over the one peaceful funeral and then he looked down at Beckett. His heart stopped as the world around him ceased to move.

The detective looked up at him with an utterly confused expression trying to piece together what just happened in those few moments. Then slowly, Beckett lifted her white gloved hand and saw it streaked with red. Blood. "Castle." She tried to open her mouth to speak, nothing but a small whimper came forth.

"Kate." Gently as he could, he shifted his weight off her sliding his hand to cradle the back of her head. There was no way to mask the fear in his voice and it only added to the terror residing in Beckett's brown eyes, "Stay with me." Castle watched her head shift as if nodding in reassurance, "Don't leave me."

Beckett closed her eyes for a moment battling the darkness that was treating to take over her mind. Castle continued to beg with raw emotions flooding his words causing the sickening feeling to spread. This wasn't how it was suppose to go for them. They were suppose to have more time to sort out what was between them. She tried to speak, wanting to tell him everything that she had kept in her heart for so long, but she couldn't find the strength. It was leaving her at such a rapid speed and Beckett was teetering on the edge of oblivion.

Castle can see the war that was raging inside by the in the tears in her eyes. Reality of the situation hit him like a brick. This could possibly be the last time he ever saw her and damn it to hell he wasn't going to let this moment pass. "I love you." He bent his head until Castle could feel her ragged breath flutter over his face. "I love you, Kate."

The corner of her mouth lifted in a faint smile and a single tear slid down her face. Beckett wanted nothing more to tell him she felt the same. Her lids fluttered as it was becoming increasingly hard to keep them open. Castle spoke the words one more time throwing out the string of hope for her to cling on to. Beckett mentally grasped on to it hoping it was strong enough to pull her back from the blackness that took her over. Before she went under the words 'If only' flashed through the detective's mind.

He watched helplessly as he watched the light dim from her eyes and her head loll back. Gathering courage, Castle ripped his gaze from her face to her stomach and found blood oozing from her body. "Laine!" Crying out for the ME, pressed down on the wound his hand becoming instantly drenched in crimson. _Please God don't let her die._ He had never been the praying type or really acknowledged that there was a god. Right now Castle would sell his soul to the devil or rip out his own beating heart if it meant the woman before him would live.

Somewhere behind him some one was calling for an ambulance nearly screaming officer down into the receiver. Lanie sprinted across the grass no longer heading Espitio's warning to stay low. "How bad?" She tried pushing Castle away only to have him resist. "Rick I need to see."

With much resistance, he complied and shifted to allow Lanie the room she needed. Castle held her gloved hand for dear life almost as if he could transfer his life into her. "How bad?" He demanded once Lanie snapped open Backett's dress blues. The red was a bright contrast against her pale skin. Seeing it almost made his stomach turn. "Oh god."

"Don't let your mind go there." Lanie snapped reapplying pressure with her coat. "She's strong, we all know that. She's going to be okay."

Castle wasn't sure if she was saying it for his benefit or her own.

"The ambulance is here."

At the sound of his mother's voice, Castle jolted around as his surrounding came back into focus, "Are you all right? Alexis?"

Maratha heard the desperation in her son's voice and did her best to sooth it away, "We're fine. Alexis is with Kevin. "

"I should-."

"No." Martha cut him off, "you need to worry about her. I have Alexis we will be at the hospital as soon as we can."

Castle nodded turning his attention back to Beckett, "I can't lose her Lanie."

"Neither can I, so she's not going anywhere."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Somehow Lanie talked the paramedics in letting two people ride over instead of just the one. The only thing Castle really remembered about the ride over was trying to stay out of the way, but never letting go of his partner's hand. He did at one point remove the blood stained glove because if he concentrated he could feel a faint pulse in her fingertips. The little drumming beat was his life line. It was hope that kept him anchored instead of letting his emotions over run him. That was why he was so reluctant to let go as they wheeled through the halls of the hospital.

"Rick." Sensing his need, Lanie took a moment to place a hand on his arm, "I'm going with okay. I won't let anything happen to her and you know it. So let go because you're wasting time she might not have."

He nodded and bent to bring her limp hand to his lips, "I love you KB." And with that he let go and they wheeled Beckett through the OR leaving him staring hopelessly at the doors. What was he suppose to do now? Castle couldn't even fathom the idea of sitting and just waiting. There had to be something he could to for her. His mind was cluttered with so many thoughts he couldn't think straight. Shock was slowly wearing off, leaving him aching and dizzy. The writer barely made it two steps before his legs turned to jelly and thanks to the wall he slid to the floor instead of crashing to it. There, here buried his face in his blood caked hands and let his mind take over and it pulled him into a memory from the night before.

_He couldn't sleep. Castle gave up even trying around one and now he was sitting in his office staring blankly at the computer before him. Once again words were hard to find when he really needed it. He figured writing would be a great distraction from the world that seem to be crumbling around him. He tried calling Beckett for about the hundredth time to no avail. It hurt that she was avoiding him though he could hardly blame her. First they have a huge blow out where hurtful things were said and then the man that was father to her turned out to be rooted to her mother's murder and died for his redemption for it. Just one more person that had let Beckett down._

_Thinking of the captain had Castle reaching for his brandy. Even as a writer, who was suppose to think of ever possible outcome, didn't see that one coming. Montgomery had been so invested in helping Beckett solve her mother's case from the beginning. How did he think his secret would remain hidden? Castle tried to imagine the guilt the man must have felt when ever Joahanne Beckett's name was mentioned in the squad room. Again there were no real words._

_Maybe it was time to find another profession, Castle dimly thought knocking back the rest of the drink as a soft tap at his door had him swirling in his chair to check the clock. There was only one person who would be knocking at his door at 3 am. Upon opening his door, his prediction was right. A very tired Kate Beckett stood on his door step._

"_Did I wake you?" She softly asked trying to look past his shoulder to see if her late night visit had disturbed Alexis or Martha._

"_No, I couldn't sleep."_

_Beckett twisted her hands, "I umm." Because Castle noticed her nervous movements, she hid her hands behind her back. "I just couldn't. I mean-."_

_This was something Castle didn't need words for because no matter what he could always seem to read Beckett's moods. "I was just about to make some tea."_

_She gave him a weak smile and slipped inside after him. She should feel guilt about being here. They really hadn't spoken since the fight. At least not directly to each other. They had to give statements to IA and, thanks to Castle, they came up with a very believable story to what happened in the hanger as well as to why only they were there. Beckett wasn't sure if she could keep the secret forever, but for now Kate would continue to let the world think that Montgomery died a hero. "I'm so tired, Rick."_

_Castle stopped halfway to the kitchen at the sound of his first name. Beckett only used it when she meant business. Abandoning the task of tea, he crossed the room and did the one thing she needed but would never come out and ask for. Castle wrapped his arms around her, holding her close as possible to his chest._

_Tears burned the back of her throat as she pressed her face into his shoulder. He should be pushing here away, yelling at her and telling her to leave. After all the things she said to him that night, Beckett wouldn't expect anything else. But not from Castle. It was hard to find a bond like they shared these days. People came and went in her life, but Castle stood his ground and stayed by her side even when she pushed him away. He even fought for it at times. He was the only man, maybe person, who she believed wouldn't leave her._

"_I'm sorry." The flood gates opened and there was no way to stop the sobs from taking over her body. It was strange to her that nestled in his strong embrace Beckett felt both protect and vulnerable at the same time. Being vulnerable was a reaction that only Castle could draw out of her. "I shouldn't have said what I did."_

_Castle stroked a reassuring hand over her hair, "I know."_

"_Everything you said was right and it hurt having it thrust in my face. If no one says anything I can just pretend that I'm okay with meaningless relationships. I'm okay with just being in that dark place where the only thing that matters is getting my mother's killer. Because you're right, Castle." Beckett bunched her hands as she tiled her head to look up at him. There was no gloating or I told you so's, he simply looked down at her with understanding. It made the tears fall even faster. "It's been a part of me for so long that trying to see who I am without scares the life out of me. I don't even know who I truly am anymore. At nineteen I became this completely different person. I look back on my childhood and think that's not me."_

"_Kate." He tried to tell her that she would still be the same, but she wouldn't let him get a word in._

"_Do you know what terrifies me the most, Rick?" Beckett used his fist name again to make sure she had his attention. "That I lose that part of me that inspired you."_

_Castle caught the quiver in her voice driving home the extent of that fear. "Kate listen to me." A little too roughly, he took her face in his hands catching her tears with the pad of his thumb. "That won't happen."_

"_I'm a cop for one reason. My drive, my passion all came from that one night."_

"_No that night didn't define you, Kate Beckett." Castle gently rested her brow against hers, "You can do three things when something terrible happen. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or let it strength you. That is what you did, Beckett. You say you don't know who you are, but I do. You're still that little girl who refused the nightlight not because you were afraid of the dark, but because it was something that needed to be taken head on. That's the drive that makes you move walls instead of crashing into them. It's one of the defining characters that make you great at what you do."_

_A water laugh escaped her, "how'd you know about that?"_

_The corner of his mouth lifted in one of his signature smiles that illuminated his whole face. "Your dad. He came here asking me to talk to you. He wanted me to point out that your life is more than your mother's death."_

_Beckett's eyes rounded in surprise, "that's was-."_

"_-The true reason for the ambush. I had all these people snapping at my ear, your father, Roy, and the guys, all saying that you were going to get yourself killed and I just couldn't let that happen." He didn't realize that his grip had tightened on her shoulders as fear washed over him. Just two days ago he came so close to losing her. If the captain hadn't called him, if he hadn't answered, they wouldn't even be having this conversation. "I'm so sorry Kate."_

_His admission had the detective blinking in confusion. "Sorry?" It was her turn to lift his gaze to hers. "What on earth do you have to be sorry for? For trying to be there for me? For caring enough to show up at the hanger to make sure I didn't so something stupid? For not backing of when I told you to? Because I'm glad you did all of those things. I wouldn't be here if you didn't."_

_Castle refused to look at her directly, "If I-." He swallowed the lump in his throat but it didn't stop his voice from shaking. The tears came so quickly it surprised both of them. "This is all my fault. You lost the man who was like your father because of me."_

"_Shh." Beckett reached for him just as sob over took his body bringing him to his knees taking her with. They had face death so many times and every time Castle remained in control and strong. So the site of seeing him breakdown had all her walls crumbling and this time she was the one who reached for him. "It's okay. This isn't your fault."_

"_If I didn't shadow you and reopen your mother's case, none of this would have happened." Castle wished he could go back and time and stop from knocking over that domino. That one choice started a change reaction of events that quickly spun out of control, altering lives for the worse, not the better. "I made you go back down the rabbit hole. I'm sorry."_

"_Castle look at me please." She softly begged and waited until his misty eyes met hers. They were blood shot from his tears, but still that brilliant blue that took her breath away. "None of this is your fault. This would have all happened eventually. Raglen still would have sought me out and then Lockwood would have found me. The only thing that would have change was you wouldn't have been there at my side through all of this. You shadowing me, Castle, changed my life. You can be a pain of the ass most of the time." That drew a small smile from the writer. "But I don't know what I did to deserve you. You are the best thing to ever happen to me. You showed me the beauty of life when all I could see was the darkness of it. There are no regrets when it comes to you. If I had to do it again, every time I would chose you. I never tell you enough how grateful I am that no matter how much I might push you away, you push back to stay at my side."_

"_Always." Castle whispered into the crook of her neck his heart overfilled with emotions. He never knew he meant so much to anyone, outside of his family of course, before. _

_Beckett ran her fingers through the thick mane of his hair feeling liberated. For so long she had trained herself never to open up. Lanie always tried to break her of the habit, but could only budge it so much. She was just so tired of keeping everything in, so far it brought nothing by pain and nights crying herself to sleep. She trained herself to be hard on the job and be one of the guys. Working with Ryan and Espito showed her it was okay to show some emotion. It just didn't really start happening until Castle joined the mix_

"_Roy told me that the only reason he let you stay was because you were good for me. He was right, Castle. You taught me how to have fun even in a job surrounded by death. You made me smile when I didn't think I could. Thank you for going into the rabbit hole with me to make sure I didn't get lost in the dark." A smile crept across her face when he lifted his head to look at her again. "You're my night light."_

_A poet nor writer couldn't have said it any better. Finally, they both had conquered their fears and put everything out in the open. Where they were to go from here, Castle wasn't sure. For now it could wait until after the funeral. They had already gone through a wide range of emotions and he knew that in a few hours they would have to go through them all over again as they laid the captain to rest. Castle felt Beckett start to slump against him as sheer exhaustion finally grabbed hold of her. Barely holding on to consciousness himself, he swept her up into his arms and made it as far as the couch. "Sleep."_

_Beckett curled into his lap as he lazily dragged a blanket over them, "Thank you." She tilted her head, smiling when she felt his lips brush over her brow. A small tingle started to work through her starting from her toes. How was it this man could invoke the strangest sensations from her? How did he work his way into her life making it so the moment she opened her eyes in the morning he was the first thing on her mind?_

"_Always." Castle whispered his lips lingering longer then necessary. _

Castle was drawn out of his thoughts by someone calling out his name almost frantically. Blinking, the sounds and smell of the hospital came back into focus. The smell was a mixture of cleaning supplies, bodily fluids, and plastic. A smell that seem to reside in every hospital on earth. He always never could get use to the smell, Castle thought dimly finally focusing on the face before him and found Jim Beckett staring at him with horror in his eyes. "What?" He asked trying to block out the now present chatter of nurses from the station in front of him.

"Is Kate-."

"No." Castle quickly assured realizing now that sitting in the middle of the hall way covered in blood didn't give him the best impression. "Lanie took her into surgery."

Jim let out a breath of relief, "Why are you on the floor?"

Castle looked around searching for an answer and could only shrug. How could he explain to this man this has daughter was his lifeline. If they lost her- No! The writer shook his head clear taking Lanie's advice. He would not let his mind wondering into the darkness.

"Let's get you up." It took great effort on Jim's part to get Castle on his feet. To him it felt like moving a rag doll as they made their way to the small waiting room just down the hall. Thankfully it was empty and Jim deposited Castle into the nearest chair. "You would have taken a bullet for her."

Again, Castle had to make himself focus on the conversation, "I promised you I would protect her. And I'm her partner, it's what I'm suppose to do." He glanced down at his blood stained hands both knowing the reasons were far greater then a sense of responsibility. "Plus I couldn't live if anything happened to her."

"You love her." It was more of a statement then a question really. When his daughter first mentioned him, Jim was taken aback. Kate had never been one to open up to him about any men in her life. But after an hour, Jim knew that Castle was different from anyone that had come before. He could see it in the way her eyes would shine as she talked about their cases together.

"Beyond hope." Castle whispered.

"You're good for her, Rick." Jim said catching the writer by surprise. "When she wakes up she's going to push because that is her nature. She doesn't like help."

"Don't I know it."

"Don't back down or give up. She will need you through all this."

Castle was waiting for Jim to bear down on him for not keeping his promise. For allowing his daughter to get hurt when he was only a few feet away. But it never came.

"You bring out this light in her that I haven't seen since her mother died. She's calls me sounding happy, something I haven't heard in a very long time." Jim touched Castle's shoulder, "Just be patient with her because I know she feels just as strongly for you as you do her. When people are meant to be together they always find their way in the end, the journey is always the best part."

"I'm not going anywhere." Castle assured and if he had to wait until the end of time, then he would.

"Dad."

If Jim would have blinked he would have missed the smooth transition Castle went through. In a split second, the young man straightened up in his chair schooling his features so when he faced his daughter there was no trace of fear left on his face. _You picked a winner there Katie._ Jim thought watching Castle take the distraught Alexis in his arms while whispering words of comfort.

"Any word?" Alexis asked pillowing her head on her father's shoulder.

"She's in surgery that's all I know." Castle went to stroke her hair then remembered the blood. He cursed himself for not taking care of that before they arrived. "All we can do now is wait. I-."

Alexis reared back, "Don't you even try to tell me I should go home. I care about detective Beckett just as much as you do. So if you're staying I'm staying." And to stand her ground, Alexis marched over to the chairs near Jim and took a seat. "Hello Mr. Beckett."

Despite everything that had transpired in the last hour or so, a smile broke out across Jim's face. Steaming mad and the girl was still proper. "Hello Alexis." He replied still taken aback by her admission to her father. Jim silently wondered if his daughter knew how much she was loved. "Rick why don't you get washed up, we will wait for the others to arrive."

Castle hesitated for a moment and then complied, "Come get me if anything happens."

"Of course."

0o0o0o0o0o0o

Three hours later the small waiting room was filled with the entire Castle family, the two detectives and their respective partners, the captain's wife, and of course Beckett's father. Other service members that had been present at the funeral had come and gone not wanting to over step their place and said they would be back once Beckett was awake.

Castle, still clad in his bloody clothes, glanced at the watch wondering how much longer they would have to wait. Lanie had come out only once to give them an update and then disappeared. Being a writer his mind was going through every worse case scenario and it was slowly driving him mad. His mother had tried to get him to go down with her to get coffee, but he refused. He left once to wash his hands of Beckett's blood and he wasn't going to leave until he saw her face.

"Castle." Lanie rushed through the door a nurse hot on her heels causing the entire room to jump to their feet. "I need you."

"What is it?" Castle demanded already halfway towards the door, "Is she okay?"

The ME took a moment to address the room, "She came out of surgery stable. It went well its she is coming off the meds and it's making her very agitated." Now she turned to look at the writer whose brow was wrinkled with worry. "She keeps calling for you and we can't calm her down. We're trying to put a breathing tube in because her lungs aren't strong enough to do it on their own for long. I'm hoping-."

Castle didn't need to hear anymore, "Just take me to her." And just like that they were gone. He ate up the tile with his big strides that Lanie had to jog to keep lead.

The metals rings of the curtain gave an eerie shriek when Lanie threw open the curtain causing the nurse and doctor look up. The doctor scowled at the man lingering in the doorway, "Get him out of here."

"Trust me." Lanie ushered Castle to Beckett's bedside where the detective thrashed, reaching out for something that wasn't there, and calling out the writer's name. The ME frowned hating feeling so helpless she could help ease her friend that was caught in a violent drug induced nightmare.

"Castle." Beckett's face was twisted in pain. "Castle."

Careful of all the wires and tubes feeding into her body, Castle took one of her seeking hands in the warmth of his own, bringing it to her lips, "I'm right here, Kate." Gently, he brushed her hair from her ashen face needing the skin to skin contact as much as she did. He was doing his best just to focus on her face to terrified of machines she was hooked up to. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

At the sound of Castle's voice, Beckett's thrashing slowed. Her eyes fluttered open and as if they were too heavy to keep open the closed only a moment later. "Ca-castle." The detective slurred out his name caught in between dream and reality. The drugs were making it incredibility hard to string two thoughts together. She felt his hand on hers and found comfort in the familiar touch. The chilling fear that was racking her system dissipated from her in an instant.

"Hey there KB." Tears filled his eyes when she finally was able to open her eyes. Seeing the life swirling in them had him biting back a sob, but it didn't go unnoticed by the ME.

"S-stay with me."

Castle worked his way through the slurring having lots of practice with talking to drunken people. Beckett had her cry talk translator, he had his drunk talk one. "Always." He vowed letting the tears fall without shame, "Always Kate."

" 'sgood." Her body fully relaxed, Beckett let the drugs start to pull her back under, "love you twth by the way."

Castle watched as she dropped off and let sobs take over. Shaking violently, he dropped to his knees clutching her hand needing the contact. Here, not under the watchful eyes of anyone but Lanie, Castle let himself break down for the first time since the graveyard. He knew that her chances were still not at a 100%, but the fact that made it through the surgery gave him all the hope he needed.

The doctor looked on in wonder. In all his year of medicine he had never witness such a connection before. Just at the sound of the man's voice the detective's vitals dropped back down to normal and her thrashing stopped. He was thankful that something worked because the detective had come close in undoing all the work they did in the past four hours. "Lanie we need to move her into a room now."

Lanie touched a hand to Castle's shaking shoulder, his sobs slowly subsiding. "Come on Rick." She soothed.

"Only for a moment." The doctor assured wanting the writer nearby incase his patient became agitated again. "I promise I'll let you right back in."

"Thank you I know it's against the rules." Castle pushed onto his shaky limbs grateful when Lanie put an arm around his waist to keep him upright.

"Believe me I don't want you going anywhere far if you can do what you just did again. Give us a few more minutes to get her into her own room. We just want to make sure she stays stable before we move her. Then we will allow you back as well as a few visitors." The doctor informed shutting the door after the pair.

Castle took a moment to catch his breath, "She's going to make it."

Lanie squeezed his arm, "She's strong. Plus you think after what she just said she's going to give up."

"Won't remember she said it." He pointed out but just hearing it made his heart do flips in his chest.

"Let me tell you something medicine is like truth serum." Lanie smiled at him, "doesn't hurt I know for a fact that she loves you. Trust me." She added after seeing Castle raise his brow in wonder.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:**_ Okay some people may think that castle's voice was enough to calm down Beckett like that is a little far fetch, but let me tell you something. I lost my dad in December and he was in the ICU for five days and I never left his side. On the first morning after he was admitted I left to go to work and not even halfway down the hall my dad suddenly a hard time breathing and even after they put him under and on a respirator he was still very agitated and wouldn't sit still. I went back in there and me, my mom, and my two sisters sat with him taking turns reading a book he was reading. He calmed and even his blood pressure went some what back to normal, the moment we stopped or had to leave him alone his blood pressure dropped and his heart rate went through the roof. So I've seen it with my own eyes to know that it works.

So anyways I hope that you all enjoyed and hit that review button just down there!


	2. Waiting

Again no beta so there may be some errors. I"m so glad with the response I've gotten from this story and hope you all enjoy this next chapter just as much

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle ABC does, if it was up to me Castle wouldn't wait until Beckett was shot/dying to say he loved her.

* * *

><p>True to his word, the doctor let Castle back to see Beckett the moment she was settled into her private room. He stood motionless looking through the glass of the sliding door at the woman on the hospital bed. Machines, tubes, and wires fed into her body monitoring her vitals and bumping life into her. Castle could hear the violent hiss of the respirator as it decompressed, in time with the movement of Beckett's chest. She looked so broken and vulnerable, it was too much to bear to see her like this. He couldn't help but feel reasonable. Even though she had told him differently the night before, Castle knew that if he had just left the damn case alone like she asked he wouldn't be standing here outside her hospital room praying for her to pull through.<p>

How did a day that started out near perfect, turn into a nightmare. Resting his head against the cool glass, Castle forced his mind to dive into the memory of that morning.

"_Castle."_

_Feeling the warmth of a familiar touch, Castle slowly opened his eyes to find Beckett staring at him in concern. It took a moment for his brain to transition from dream to reality, it especially hard because Beckett was still curled on his lap. That was something that had been in his dreams many times because he knew the chance of it actually happening was slim to none. "Kate?"_

_Beckett's heart skipped when he turned his face in her hand, savoring her touch, as if it was the most precious thing in the world. It was something Castle always did with almost everything she did only she just pushed it away not allowing herself to go there. "I'm right here." Beckett stated for the hundredth time in the last five minutes, "You were having a nightmare."_

_Taking a deep breath, Castle brought his hand to cover the one touching his face. "Sorry."_

"_You were calling my name."_

_Castle could just shrug it off and it be just one more thing they didn't talk about. "Started off in the freezer and you passed out. I tried to wake you and they guys came too late. I felt you slip away in my arms. Then Lockwood had you and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get to you." He shut his eyes trying to will away the horrible images of blood. "There was so much blood. Kate I-."_

"_Hey, hey." She brought his brow down to rest on hers as she soothed him. "I'm fine, I'm right here."_

_He let her voice chase the dark clouds away, "Ever since the freezer I've been having these nightmares where you are hurt and I just can't get to you. I wake up in the middle of the night with this desperate urge to call you just to make sure you are all right."_

"_Why didn't you?" Truth be told she had been plagued by nightmares ever since as well. On more than one occasion she had woken crying out for Castle while Josh slept next to her. Beckett recalled sitting in the middle of the bed looking at the man sleeping next to her and thinking it wasn't the right one. She had come to terms with her feelings the summer before he left and nearly told him in the freezer, yet she stayed with Josh whom she had little feelings for._

_Castle shrugged, "It was two in the morning and I didn't want to wake you." _

"_Or Josh." Beckett finished his silent thought aloud stroking his jaw with her thumb. She could feel his hot breath on her cheek and their closeness was starting to cloud her judgment. They had a lot to talk about still, though their last conversation started that process, there was still a long way to go. For now none of that seem to matter, because all she could think about doing was kissing Castle._

_Castle gently cupped her face, and much to her surprise, pressed a soft and tender kiss to her forehead. He lingered taking in the soft hitch of her breath and the warmth of her fingers on his face. He wanted nothing more than to taste her lips, but knew it would only push their progress back a few pegs. _

"_I'm coming down!"_

_The sudden sound of Alexis' voice had the two adult jolting away looking like they had just been caught with their hands in the cookie jar. With a shy smile, Beckett slid from the writer's lab as the teenager came down the steps. It was bad enough that Alexis had already seen them to know to call out a warning. "I should go." She whispered._

"_Good morning Detective Beckett." Alexis cheerfully greeted, "Staying for breakfast."_

_She went to refuse, but found she couldn't bring herself to say no. Something about being here discussing breakfast plans with her partner's daughter felt natural. Felt right. If Beckett allowed herself, she would say that the universe was telling her something. "I mean if it's okay with you."_

_Alexis tugged the detective by the arm, "We have a saying here at the Castle house." She pushed Beckett into the chair as she hit the on button for the coffee maker. "Friends are family here, so it's more than okay with me. It's great having you here."_

_Beckett lapsed into stun silence. Family. Somehow in the course of their three year partnership she had became a part of his unit making the strangest family she had ever seen. Never the less it was nice to belong to something other than her job. "Will you let me help you?"_

"_Sure." _

_Castle stood in the living room smiling as he watched the two women work. Alexis chatted mindlessly trying to keep the mood light knowing that in a few hours when the funeral started things were going to be tense. It warmed his heart to see Beckett indulge his daughter by listening intently on about school and cared enough to inquire about grades, friends, and even her boyfriend. He wanted, no needed, to make this a permeant site. After the funeral he and Beckett, like it or not, were going to have a talk so they could hash out everything and lay all their cards on the table. "What can I do to help?"_

_Beckett pointed at him with the spatula, "Pancake duty."_

_His eyes beamed at their inside joke and moved to join them. For a day Castle thought would be nothing but sadness and grief, he was surprised and glad they had this little bit of happiness if only for a moment. _

Jim touched the writer's shoulder, "You okay?"

Castle blinked back his tears brining himself back to the present, "Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?" He softly asked trying to push away the sickening feeling in his stomach. Every sound, smell, and sight had it growing. This was a part of the hospital he never wanted to go into again. It wasn't crazy with movement, even the nurses walked softly as if afraid to disturb those wrestling with death. Death lingered in ever soft conversation or beep of a monitor just reminding those posting vigil at the person beside that they could be taken in a heartbeat. The only way to escape it would flee from the building, but he wouldn't dare leave her side.

"Maybe." Jim crossed his arms over his chest shifting his gaze to his daughter. He was living his worst nightmare. When she became a cop, Jim was afraid to answer the phone after nightfall knowing if he received one in the middle of the night, it would be the one telling him he lost the one thing he had left. He might not like his daughter's profession or the reason why she choose it, but there were no words to express how proud he was of what she had accomplished. "I don't think any of us well be truly all right after this. I know it will take some time before I stop seeing her fall every time I close my eyes."

"I don't think I'll ever get there." Castle closed his eyes trying to bring up a happier memory, but only saw the blood. When he opened his eyes the site of her was like being stuck in a living nightmare. At any moment Beckett could just slip away and he would be powerless to do anything. Just like he was powerless to protect her.

"Come on." Jim opened the door getting it with a blast of cool air as he led the writer inside. The older man's hand trembled as he reached his daughter's bed side to take her limp hand. He refused to allow his mind to wonder to a future without his little girl. Because if he lost her there would be no point to his life. Losing his wife was bad enough. "I'm here Katie."

Castle took a seat on the opposite near the window that looked over the city that was booming with life. Somehow he expected it to stop as his world had from the moment he heart the gunshot. "Neither am I."

"Mr. Beckett."

The older man turned to the face the voice, "Yes?"

A man clad in blue scrubs lingered in the door way, "I'm Dr. Brian Keith." He introduced passing the chart from hand to hand as if trying to settle his own nerves. "I was the surgeon who operated on your daughter, I would like to talk to you. Alone."

Jim stopped Castle from moving, "He's family." He informed taking the writer by surprise. "Whatever you're about to tell me, you can tell him."

Castle moved to stand next to Beckett's father trying to ready himself for the news. By the grim expression the surgeon wore, it wasn't good. "Please just get it out."

"Let me tell you that Detective Beckett is lucky to be alive and the fact she pulled through surgery is a great sign." Brian shut the sliding door to give him a moment to collect his thoughts. "The bullet was meant to kill and by the grace of god it missed her heart by mere inches. It did a lot of damage. We had to take out a quarter of her liver, her spleen and gallbladder. There was considerable amount of damage to her intestines and right kidney, but we are confident that with us just simply stopping the bleeding her body won't reject it. The bullet also pierced her right lung and her body is too weak to breathe on its own. Until she shows signs of improvement, we are going to keep her sedated so her body can rest and not strain to keep her breathing."

Castle stole a glance at Beckett counting the number of tubes hooked to her body, "What does that mean for her recovery?"

"Her system is in shock. Just because she pulled through surgery doesn't mean that her body won't give out on her. What that bullet did and the rearrange we did in surgery might be too much for her body to handle."

Jim found himself gripping Castle's arm for support, "What are her chances?"

Brian's face paled slightly, "There is a forty percent chance that she will see tomorrow and that's as far as I can give you. The bullet ruptured her intestines sending particles and bacterial that wasn't meant to enter the blood stream. It's turning her blood septic. Basically her blood is a poison and it's circulating through her body." He glanced at his chart, "The septic level isn't very high right now, but it's a cause of concern. We have her on a high dose of antibiotics to keep it down and hopefully flush it out of her system. Until then her heart is pumping the toxic blood through her body causing damage to her other organs."

"Is that what's causing her blood pressure to be so low?" Castle wondered.

"Yes and her heart rate is elevated making the blood work fast which means the blood is traveling even faster. " Brian informed.

Jim swayed trying to take in all the information. "Are you telling me to start planning her funeral?" Just the thought was enough to cut him off at the knees. He already put one woman his wife in the ground, he couldn't do it with his daughter. It wasn't the natural order of things. A child was suppose to bury the parent, not the other way around.

"Mr. Beckett I just want you to know the fight your daughter has a head of her and there might be a possibility of it. Her body is weak and you might be forced to make the call to pull her off life support." Brian shifted uncomfortable, hating this part of his job. "I guess I'm telling that you might have to."

That snapped something inside Castle. Gone now was grief and guilt to be replaced by something much darker. Just the thought of someone telling him to plan a life without Beckett was just too much. He refused to think about it, because it wasn't going to happen. Even if he had to sell his soul to the devil, Beckett was going to pull through this. "Then you don't know Kate Beckett at all." Heat was the driving force of his words causing the doctor to take a cautious step back. "She won't give up and I'm not giving up on her."

"Mr. Castle I understand you're upset, but you need to be prepared." Brian tried again.

Castle took a step forward his face looming near the surgeon's, "And I'm telling you she's the strongest woman I've ever met."

Blindly reaching for the door, Brian nodded, "Thank you for your time. I'll leave you alone." He flung it open and fled down the hall.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

By midnight everyone had their chance to sit with Beckett to help sooth their worries. The boys had left an hour ago to take home his mother and Ashley, though the boy fought it. Alexis had insisted he go home because he had finales in the morning. Castle had used that same reason and gotten nowhere.

"Dad I want to be here." Alexis reminded for the tenth time that night.

"I know you do honey." Castle shifted so he could see her through the shadows of the darken room. Jim was fast asleep in the corner and he didn't want to wake him. "You have school and finals. You know if Beckett knew you did poorly on them because of her she's going to kick your ass."

Alexis smiled because it was true. It was strange how she felt such a material bond with the detective when her own mother was alive in well. "I need to be here." She corrected.

The statement was enough to cause castle to falter for a moment. Raw emotions where in her voice making him remember just how much Beckett meant to his daughter. "Alexis-."

"Dad please." She softly begged gathering the courage to look at the woman on the hospital bed. It pained her to see the strong and resilient Kate Beckett so still and pale. "I'll go to school in the morning as long as you promise to call me if anything happens."

Castle sighed, " "You know I will. Are you sure?" He asked. "I mean your finales are important and if you still plan to graduate early you have to do well."

"None of that matters right now." Alexis stated and knew with that she had won the argument. "You're not the only one who loves her, dad."

Castle placed a kiss on the top of her head, "I know." Castle scooted on the far end of the small couch that sat in the corner of the room. Sleep wouldn't come to him tonight, maybe Alexis would be lucky enough to find some. "Lay your head down and try to rest."

Using her coat as a pillow, she complied, her head resting on her father's lap. "Wake me if anything happens."

"I will." He stroked his daughter's long hair trying to lull her to sleep.

"When I heard the shot." Her voice broke with tears. "And saw you fall I thought it was you that was hit."

That was something he hadn't thought about. Castle had been so focused on Beckett that he didn't stop to think what his daughter was going through. For the first time he felt like a horrible father. "I'm all right. You're stuck with me for a very long time."

Alexis wanted to ask about the next time. It wasn't like she didn't approve of what her father was doing. People saw it as him indulging in a childish fantasy of playing cop. Those people never saw him in action, never seen him making a true difference. Beckett had told her on more then on occasion that without the help of her father they wouldn't have been able to break a case or find the right suspect. That was good enough for her to be okay with the everyday fear that something bad could happen to him. Beckett had promised her she would always do everything in her power to make sure Castle walked through the door every night. Alexis wondered if the detective knew how much it would kill her to if she wasn't around either.

"Dad." Needing to shut of her mind, Alexis snuggled closer to her father. "Tell me a story."

Castle started reciting Frog Prince from memory worried by her request. He hadn't had to do this since Alexis was nine. It was clear that everyone at the funeral was going to be scared for some time. He tried not to think about it as he recited the words into the darkness of the room. At the end, Castle looked down to see Alexis fast asleep and a glance at Beckett's vitals saw that her heart rate started to level out.

Jim awoke sometime before the sun came up to see Castle had found another chair and sat at his daughter's bedside now telling snow white from memory. One look at the younger man's blood shot eyes told Jim he hadn't slept at all. "Have you been talking to her all night?"

Castle jolted, startled by the sudden sound. "Yes." He glanced at this watch to see it shy of six AM. "Good thing I have a good memory or she would have been subjected to stories I make up on the fly. Not always the best thing to hear."

"Why don't you let me do it so you can get some sleep?" Jim suggested.

Castle shook his head, "I can't sleep." He didn't want to sleep. The coldness that was nesting inside him wouldn't allow him. Every time Castle thought about closing his eyes for sleep that feeling began to spread planting seeds that gave way to horrible images and thoughts keeping him from finding slumber. What if he slept only to wake up and find Beckett gone? What if, who was ever responsible for the bullet, found her here and finished the job.

Jim frowned not bothering to try to argue. "I'll go get us some coffee."

"For me too." Alexis sleepily murmured. Her head felt full and her body was sluggish as it was impossible to stay asleep long with nurses coming in every thirty minutes to check vitals and change out IVs.

"How about you come with me," Jim suggested knowing the girl must need a break from just sitting and waiting. "That way you can call your grandmother to bring some books for Rick to read to Kate."

Alexis hopped to her feet, giving her father a quick kiss, and lead Jim out of the room. Once he was use he was alone, Castle gently rested his head near Beckett's hand. It was ice cold and appeared to be absent of all life. The surgeon's words haunted him. There was just so much damage to her body that they were holding out for a miracle for her to pull through. He had done enough medical research for his books to know what long term struggles Beckett was going to be facing. If she pulled through Beckett was looking a recovery time of a year to be back where she was before all this. She was going to push away any help and Castle was ready for that battle. She was going to need someone to help and he was going to make sure that he was the person to do so.

* * *

><p>Bad ending I know. But I had to end this chapter so I can do a little time jump.<p>

Review that made my day: **Arkansas10bass092 **Since I can't reply back to you I just want to say thank you for posting it over there. I'm honored it made it the the official Castle Board over at ABC and that people are loving it as much as they are.

So again hope you enjoyed this chapter and look down. See that little button that says review hit it and let me know your comments, questions, concerns, or hate mail. All is welcome


	3. Hoping

No beat again I need one (Hint! Hint! Nudge! Nudge!) but seriously if anyone wants to help me out that would be great. Anyways not thrilled about how this chapter came out, but here it is none the less! Please enjoy! Mistakes are all me!

* * *

><p>Beckett proved the surgeon wrong by not only pulling through the first night but rolling straight into the second. Her blood pressure had remained low but stable enough that the doctors took her off the IV drip of blood pressure medication. Her septic level hadn't moved, which wasn't bad but it wasn't great either. People came and went not wanting to crowd the room to much. The only constant occupants were Castle and Jim. Alexis never was away for long, just enough to go to school and swing by the loft for fresh clothes and books for Castle to read to Beckett.<p>

Castle watched the sun disappear into the horizon signaling the end of the third day of his living nightmare. Both Jim and Alexis had given into the need to sleep leaving him alone as he read from the new Niki Heat manuscript. Seer willpower and fear was the only thing keeping him from giving into the exhaustion that gripped his body trying to pull him into the blackness. It was only a matter of time before those two things didn't help.

The sliding door opened behind him so Castle stopped, marked his place, and began to shift his chair away from the bed expecting to make room for the nurse. He turned and froze halfway out of his chair, "Agent Shaw."

Jordan Shaw lingered in the doorway a grim expression on her face as she looked at the motionless detective. "I just heard." Jordan quietly slid the door shut behind her. "How bad."

Castle set his book on the seat, "Bad." He whispered, "They didn't expect her to make it through surgery let alone the night. Now we're moving into day four."

The corner of the agent's mouth lifted in a ghost of a smile. "Well Detective Beckett is a fighter." She focused her gaze the writer and blinked in astonishment. Gone was the polished writer. The man before her was disheveled and running on fumes. His hair and clothes were messy and the growth on his face told Jordan that he hadn't left this room long enough to sleep let alone shave. It seemed that her assessment she made a year ago about their relationship proved true. Richard Castle was in love with Kate Beckett. "You look like hell Castle."

"I feel like it to." The writer glanced at the folder Jordan held, "What's that?"

Jordan glanced at the sleeping people in the room then gestured with her head, "Let's step outside." She saw him hesitate, "We won't go far, I promise."

Nodding, Castle moved out into the hall with Jordan leaving the door slightly cracked. The nurses stations were quiet and the foot traffic between rooms were light giving them their privacy. "Why I do I get the feeling I'm not going to like what you're about to tell me."

"This." Jordan handed him the folder, "Came to my office address for me from Captain Montgomery."

His head sprang up, "What? Why? When?"

"Why well I'm assuming because he needed to send it to someone he trusts and since we have history and he knows I do my job. And as of when, its post marked the day he died."

Castle flipped through the contents, his brow furrowed in confusion. "This is all about the FBI agent that was killed in the alley. Does he say-."

"No." Jordan frowned knowing he didn't like the answer. "He has some suspicions, but doesn't name anyone. I caught the news report about the shooting at the graveyard after I went by Beckett's apartment. It had been tossed."

"What?"

"The super said that a man came by the night before the funeral, they were looking for something or someone. My guess after what accord three days ago whoever they are, were looking to make sure there were no more loose ends."

Castle leaned against the wall blinking, trying to absorb the information. "She umm couldn't sleep so she came over. She left her dress blues at the station the day before so Beckett didn't need to go back to her place. God." A new wave of fear crashed into him. This wasn't over, in fact it seemed like it was far from it. "She isn't safe, there needs to be guards on the door so-."

"Beckett has two just down the hall. Detective Ryan and Esposito don't seem to be going anytime soon."

"I thought they left?"

"Judge by their state I don't think they've left the hospital for more than few hours. More than I can say for you, have you slept?" Jordan asked her face softened with concerned. The man may act like a nine yard old on a sugar rush, but he had a heart of gold and the loyalty.

Castle turned to look at Beckett through the glass. "I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes I just see her falling and blood. I saw the reflection, I should have put the pieces together faster."

The agent touched the man's shoulder, "They way the boys tell it, if it wasn't for you we'd be putting another fine officer in the ground." Jordan moved to stand beside them, so they were shoulder to shoulder watching over Beckett. Her gaze flickered to the manuscript and wanted to smile, but refrained."You've been reading to her?"

"My voice it seems to sooth her. I think most people think it stupid and that she can't hear me. But as long as I'm talking her vitals remain somewhat in range." Castle rubbed his tired eyes his body screaming for him to sleep. His arms felt like lead and his head was swimming making it hard to keep his thoughts straight. If he put sleep of any longer he was sure he'd start hallucinating. "I can't lose her. I won't."

Jordan pressed her lips together picking her words carefully, "When I left the station that day I told her that you cared for her. I knew she had feelings for you only she said things between you two were complicated."

"Still is." Castle huffed.

"Listen when she wakes up make it uncomplicated because whatever thing the two of you stumbled upon is just beginning. Someone wants her dead and as long as she's living they won't stop until Beckett is dead or they're caught. We're involved now." Jordan informed, "Things will be rough, and she'll need you."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"I'll give all the information to the boys on my way out. Everything can wait until Detective Beckett wakes up. Nothing is going to happen to her, Rick. We can catch this guy." Jordan promised before leaving him alone in the hallway.

Castle wanted to tell her that was impossible to think. No one knew just how deep or far this all went. And the first thing Beckett was going to do once she woke up was hunt down this unknown person so she could find the closure she need.

"_Beckett?" Concerned, Castle turned to see the detective motionless standing in the station bull pen. She had changed in her dress blue and was now running her cap nervously through her fingers. He looked back at the boys and Lanie. "We'll meet you guys there."_

_Lanie frowned wanting to stay, but she begrudgingly relinquished her best friend duty to the writer. "Okay."_

_Once alone, Castle crossed the room into her line of vision. "What's wrong?" He softly asked taking her cap forcing her to finally shift her gaze from the blank murder board to him. "Talk to me, Kate."_

_She didn't want to. Everything inside her was telling her to just run as far away as she could from him and the comfort Castle was offering. Beckett wanted to go back into the rabbit hole where she was okay with wearing the mask. With Castle she had to face the reality of the state the world was in today. "I can't do this." She couldn't put another person she cared about in the ground. All Beckett wanted to do was just turn back time and let the case go when everyone told her to. "I just can't."_

"_Listen to me." Castle lovingly tucked a lose strain of hair behind her ear, "You're not going through this alone."_

"_We shouldn't be even doing this. Roy, he made a mistake, but he didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to die in my stead. Now I have to go up there and face his family knowing he took a bullet meant for me." Beckett wanted to shove away, only Castle caught her hands to keep her rooted in place. "I can't walk away from this. I thought I could because it's something Roy wanted, but I can't." She waited for him to start screaming, telling her no. Somewhere deep down inside her almost wanted him to. When it came down to it Castle was the only one to possess the power to save her from herself. It was the reason Montgomery called him to come to the hanger. The Captain knew the news would cut her at the knees and she would want to fight, to stand by him. When Castle grabbed her, Beckett couldn't have stopped him. But she needed him, more in that moment than ever before, and like always he was there._

_Castle held her gaze trying to pick the thoughts from her brain. His first instinct was to tell her to leave it alone because if she didn't the next person they'd be mourning would be her. "We sat her once." He gestured towards the room that was like a second home to the both of them. "And you said that when you found the person who hired someone to kill your mom, you'd like me around when you do. Is that something you still want?" He had to ask because so much has changed since that day more so in the last week._

_Beckett squeezed his hands, "Yes."_

"_Then if this is something you're going to do, I will not stop you. This is something you need to see through and that's something I understand. If this is where you're making your stand, then I'll be right by your side." He cradled her face in his hands unknowing echoing the captain's words. "As long as you let me, I'm going to be there with you every step of the way."_

_Beckett closed her eyes to trap her tears but wasn't able to stop the rush of emotions. The detective inside her wanted to push him and his offer away. It was what she was good at after all. Over and over again this man before her had proved just the depth of his loyalty, of his feelings for her. Her thoughts went to Royce's letter and how it was apparent to him and everyone else just what those feelings were. "Okay."_

_A smile crept across his handsome face when she linked a hand with his. "Ready to go?"_

"_As I'll ever be." When she should have let go again, Beckett kept it firmly in his not ready to break contact just yet. _

"You look like you're about to fall over." Ryan's voice jolted the writer back to the present as the detective handed him a fresh cup of coffee. "Agent Shaw just filled us in."

Castle wasn't sure where he got the notion that the two detectives actually left. It wasn't just their superior lying in that hospital bed or even their brother in arms. It was family. Somehow they had moved past co-worker and friends to make up this very unconventional family that castle felt blessed to be a part of. "If she's here then this goes really deep. Beckett's more in danger than ever before."

"She's the last loose end." Ryan sighed rubbing the three day old growth on his chin. "CSU went over every inch of the graveyard and came up empty. Everything is just a cluster fuck because Esposito and I are trying to keep everything quite but I'm not sure if that's going to happen. Epically if the feds are pushing their way in."

"All we can do is try." Castle took another long sip of the coffee hope that the caffeine would give his system a jump start. But it didn't. Sooner or later he was going to need to sleep.

The detective took in the writer's appearance. Usually so polished Castle, always looking like he walked off a photo shot, now was a complete and utter mess. His clothes, which he had been wearing, going on four days now, were wrinkled from being slept in and matted with blood. The sleeves were rolled up to the elbow and the top two buttons were undone revealing a white undershirt under the black fabric. There was a nice thin bread gracing his tired face. "You should really try to sleep, Castle. You're going to make yourself sick."

"I'll sleep when she wakes up."

But by noon the next day the biological need finally won and Castle passed out while reading to Beckett. The last thing he remembered really was the book falling from his finger and his head hitting the bed next to her motionless hand. It wasn't really a peaceful sleep, Castle broke through some of the layers of sleep whenever the door slid open. Most times he would just go right back under if it was just a passing visitor. But every time it was a nurse he looked up sleepily, asked if anything was wrong and go back to sleep when they said no. Her condition actually improved by that night and now the doctor's were hopeful since they hadn't expected her to last the night let alone four.

Somewhere before eight that night, the door open waking Castle from his slumber, but once he heard Josh's voice kept his eyes closed. The writer had some choice words for the doctor for showing up after four days when he had been called on day one.

Josh froze in the door frozen by the unexpected site of the sleeping writer. Well it shouldn't really be that big of surprise. It seemed where ever Beckett was, he was. But what was the surprise was that the writer had his head resting next to his girlfriend's hand that was entwined with his. Jealousy and pure hatred for the man flooded him as he crossed the room to the bedside. He had to resist the impulse to kick the sleeping man's chair and toss him out. No doubt that Beckett's condition could be worked its way back to him. He wasn't sure about all the details, in fact he hadn't seen Beckett for a good week or so because of their conflicting schedules, but Josh just knew if the writer was here that he was involved somehow.

Huffing out a breath, Josh gently sat on the edge of the bed seeking the detective's hand. No sooner that he made contact did Beckett's body jerk. Concerned he glanced at the monitor to see her heart rate spiking as more convulsing started. "I need help in here." Josh called out and turned to see the writer up and clenching Beckett's hand.

Castle stroked a hand over her hair trying to sooth her as her nurse came rushing in. "What is happening?" He demanded.

The nurse took one glance her vitals on the monitor and turned to call for more help. A moment later Lanie came rushing in not even sparing at glance at Josh. If she had the time she would give the man a nice piece of her mind. But for now Lanie was satisfied with kicking him out, "I'm going to need you to clear out."

Josh blinked in confusion because that was meant for only him instead of both males. "I'm a doctor, I can help."

Lanie didn't care and pushed him towards the door, "I'm sorry you haven't been versed on her condition or treatment." _If you had been here when I called you would be,_ Lanie silently added. "You need to go wait outside."

The doctor paused at the door looking to Castle, "what about him?"

The nurse and ME both turned to glance at the writer who was whispering to the detective. "He stays. Now go!" Lanie simply stated and closed the sliding door locking Josh out.

With one more glare, Josh reluctantly started down the hall and had no choice but to wait in the room down the hall. Once inside Josh instantly felt like an outsider. The two male detectives stopped their conversations they were having with Martha and sent daggers into doctor's direction before resuming what he had interrupted. Josh received the same look from Castle's daughter who sat with a teenage boy and an older man. No one said a thing, so Josh migrated to the corner. It was clear that everyone had been camped out in the room for days. There were pillows and blankets thrown into the corner and a takeout tower forming near the trash can.

Guilt hit him as he slipped his hands in his pockets. Looking back now, work didn't seem like an adequate reason of not coming sooner. It seemed like everyone in the room made more of a sacrifice than missing a few days of work. Now Josh hated the fact that he never truly listened to Beckett when she tried to talk about her life at the station. Usually he was too tired to stay awake, or the first word out of her mouth was Castle and he quickly would change the subject.

Just as the silence was becoming increasingly uncomfortable, the door swung open and for the first time since Beckett had been moved to her own room, Castle stepped into the waiting room. "Jim." His voice was horse from the hours he had spent reading to his partner. "Lanie needs to talk to you for a second."

Jim stood, hesitating for a moment, and then disappeared down the hall.

"Is everything all right dad?" Alexis asked. The few hours of sleep proved good to her father as the bags under his eyes had receded a bit. If she had to be honest he still looked like hell.

Castle leaned against the wall needing the support. The sleep made him feel more sluggish then when he was fighting it. "Yes." A ghost of a smile graced his face the first time in days. "Lanie said that her body is trying to tell us to take her off the respirator, I think she started to wake up. So they're removing her off of it and see if her body can substance breathing on her own."

Martha beamed at the news glad to see that some of the weight was lifted of her son's shoulders. She had spent the last four days wondering if her son would ever recover from this if Beckett didn't make it. "That's wonderful, darling."

"Don't mean to intrude or anything." Josh finally spoke up his voice laced with sarcasm. "But someone mind filling me in on what happened and what is her condition?"

Esposito stood, his glare deadly as was his stance. "So nice of you to show up after nearly five days there, motorcycle boy." He fought the urge to grin when Ryan let out a soft chuckle. "She was shot."

Josh jerked his head towards the writer, "And does he have anything to do with her current condition."

Before Castle could speak, Ryan shot to his feet making an untied front with Esposito for their unconventional family member. "That man tried to jump in front of the bullet for her." The information was enough to make Josh blink in astonishment.

The surgeon shifted uncomfortably, "Still doesn't explain why you're allowed back-."

"I'm her partner." Castle cut him short his voice heated.

"Some partner." Josh mumbled under his breath.

"Castle." Lanie's voice broke through the tension and the writer bolted across the room his face eager. She smiled through the tears tears, "She started calling for you before she went back under. I figured you wanted to go back in there in case she comes to again."

"I'll be there in a second." He assured and the ME went back down the hall. Castle took a moment to collect his scattered thoughts before turning to speak to the room instead rammed straight into Josh's moving fist. The sudden shock of the blow had the writer stumbling back a few feet leaving him open for the next blow that nearly laid him flat out. There was an explosion of pain and Castle felt the blood already trickling down from his nose and mouth. The entire room had broken into chaos and something snapped inside of Castle releasing a part of him he tried so hard to keep chained. Before he knew it, he flew at the doctor brining down his fist hard enough to have had Josh's head snapping back. What right did this man have for saying he didn't belong here? He was the one who was at Beckett's side day after day, always there even if she didn't want him to.

He was the one who watched her heart break when she had to tell victim's family the bad news and felt helpless because there was nothing he could do to help make it easier for her. No Josh knew nothing of the pain her job caused or how deep it ran in her veins. Her job, her drive for justice for both her mother and others, is what made her the extraordinary person he loved and admired. No those were the same characteristics, according conversations with Beckett, which Josh always seemed to want to change.

"Castle!" "Dad!" "Richard!" All version of his name came out in shock.

Ryan and his partner forced their ways in between the two men as they continued to exchange blows. Security was already racing down the halls on the heels of Beckett's father and Lanie, who had been drawn from hospital room due to the loud commotion. "Castle!"

It took both detectives' to drag Castle to the far end of the small room. "Calm down, bro." Esposito stressed telling security to hold off.

"I want him thrown out!" Josh barked swiping the back of his hand over his bleeding mouth. "He attacked me."

"Bullshit." Ryan would have turned on the doctor himself if it wasn't for Lanie positioning herself in the middle of the room.

"He's not going anywhere." Jim stated moving to stand by Castle.

Josh's eyes narrowed, "And who the hell are you?"

The older man squared his shoulders, "I'm Kate's father." Instantly the doctor's face fell. "And I might not be the most involved father, but I know one thing. This man-." He pointed to Castle, "was willing to take a bullet for my daughter. He loves her and it might not be right in the scheme of things, but I don't give a damn. If it wasn't for Rick's quick thinking and willing to sacrifice his life, we would be mourning my daughter not waiting for wake up. As long as he wants to stay, he stays."

Josh stood, balling his hands, and working his jaw unable to speak. He was out numbered and nothing he could say would sway anyone's opinion. Every person that was important in Beckett's life was now standing in a united front supporting the one man he hated beyond reason. How come that group of important people didn't include him? Josh found it as no surprise. Even though he stay to try to make this work his heart wasn't really in it. Neither was Kate's. He just never wanted to admit to himself it was never his to really claim as Castle had a hold of it.

Castle felt the boy's grip loosen as Josh sulked from the room and immediately felt ashamed. "I'm sorry." He apologized to no one in particular. Using the sleeve of his shirt, Castle struggled to slow his bleeding nose. "I shouldn't have done that. I had no right."

"Screw that." Esposito spat, "If it was me that man would be whimpering on the floor."

The writer couldn't seem to make contact with his daughter shamed of his actions. In all her life she had never seen him violent in anyway. "Still she's-."

Lanie cut him off, "Everyone in this room knows for a fact that it's you Beckett cares for. Now-." She gently tugged on Castle's arm, "Let's go get you patched up by the time I'm done you'll be allowed back inside."

Not even twenty minutes later, Castle was in his designated chair holding an ice back to his tender face. The bleeding had stopped and Lanie assured him it wasn't broken but would be sporting two black eyes in a few hours. Every time he talked, his eyes watered from the pain making it near impossible to read. Cursing, he shut the book in frustration.

"Want me to take over for a bit?" Jim's voice made the writer jump. "How's the nose."

Castle gentle probed the tender skin, "Hurts like hell." He looked up ashamed, "I shouldn't have done, but thank you for standing up for me."

"I think he deserved a lot worse." Jim sat down in his chair on the opposite side of his daughter.

"Still shouldn't have lost control like that. Not in front of Alexis." Castle winced against the coldness of the ice pack. "Thank you."

John blinked at the writer, "For what?"

"For standing up for me." Castle lifted his gaze his battered hands, "I do love her."

"I know that." Jim assured. "Kate doesn't share much with me, but you always seem to come up. And I knew as much as you might annoy her that somehow you managed to breach the walls that she kept up for so long. I just wished we meet differently."

"Me too." Castle sighed reaching for his partner's hand. "Me too."

* * *

><p>Okay Not sure about getting Shaw involved but I loved her character and thought well that the hell! And you can tell I'm not that big of a fan of Josh Obviously! I can see the show doing one of two things have him do the operation on Beckett or not show up for three or so days because of work. (Me, I'm hoping for the second) I only have one more flash back and we'll be caught up on everything the day of the funeral and then no more flashbacks. For those who don't like them rejoice! I'm not sure how long this story will be but thank you for everyone that has added this story to either their fave or alerts.<p>

pppppppssssssssstttttttt! See that button below that say review? Hit it and let me know what you think! Criticism (good or bad) comments and concerns are all welcome!


	4. Awake

**Sorry this chapter took so long, but this had been a very rough week with it being the first father's day with out my dad and all. This one didn't flow out of me that easily so I'm a bit ify on this chapter, but never the less here it is! No beta so mistakes are mine. I did try to catch everything, most likely missed something! Also thanks for all the alerts, reviews, and favorites. I'm so glad that everyone is liking this story as much as I am writing it. Not sure how many more chapters are left in this story... Anyways Enjoy!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>They road in silence towards the grave yard, hands still linked. Castle knew by the way Beckett was looking out the window that she was mentally preparing herself. The boys had decided that it was best that she give the eulogy as she had worked with Montgomery longer and of course had a deeper relationship. He spared a quick glance at his partner memorized by her beauty and strength. The only indication of any vulnerability was Beckett's constant need to push her fly away behind her ear. And he only picked up on it because he knew her so well. Castle settled his gaze back on the road before she caught him staring.<em>

_But he wasn't a smooth as he believed to be. Beckett felt her lips start too tug into a smile that only Castle could draw out of her. Sometimes it was a wonder how easily he could get her to smile and most of the times for no reason. She tried to think of something witting to say to try to ensue playful banter, but decided that the silence was good. It gave her time to sort out her muddled brain. In a matter of minutes she was going to be putting the man who was like her father in the ground and then there would be no more hoping that this was just all one very bad dream. If it wasn't for the man beside her, Beckett would still be in bed with the covers over her head pretending this was all just a bad dream. _

_Beckett snuck a glance at their joined hands. How could something so simple as holding hands keep her grounded in the mist of all this turmoil. There was no way she could think a way that would be sufficient enough to show her gratitude for Castle just being Castle. Looking back when they first met, Richard Castle would be the last person in the world Beckett thought she would trust above all others. Somewhere in between all their banter and name calling they had become something Beckett couldn't name. More than co-workers, partners, even friends. Regardless of what they were, she was forever grateful to have Richard Castle in her life. _

_0o0o0o0o_

_Castle had never been a pallbearer_ _before. He felt honored that the detectives included him on this solemn tradition. It was an unwritten one in the police world that those who worked under their superior usually carried their leader to his final resting place. Plus the four of them had a bond that could never be broken by the burden of the secrets that held. Castle wondered as they climbed out of the car, if they would be ever to keep it hidden forever. _

_Beckett took Castle by surprise when she laced hands with his as he rounded the car. Together they walked silently to where the two detectives stood._

"_Ready?" She asked after a moment of silence. Beckett glanced down at her hand that was flushed with Castle's and reluctantly slipped it free. Immidetly she felt off balance. Sighing, Backett placed her cap on her head and shifted into Bad Ass Detective mode, it didn't fool any of them._

_The three men nodded and moved into formation with the other two officers. There was no exchange of words as they slid the casket from the car. Together they marched to beat of the drum, eyes forward and faces hard as stone. Beckett put all her focus on her putting one foot in front of the other because if she let her mind wonder to the people around her, she would lose it. Eventually she would have to face the Capitan's family and prayed that she had the strength to look them in the eye. It was helping that with each step she took her heart grew heavy with guilt and grief. _

_Thought Castle couldn't see her face, he could sense the distress. It was weird how in tune he could be with her when there were times he could barely read her expressions. He was so focused on the woman in front of him he nearly missed _Esposito_'s call to halt. Another command and the turned to lay the casket in its place. The drums had stopped and silence had fallen over the sea grievers as they stepped away._

_Slipping off his sunglasses, Castle started to follow Ryan and _Esposito_ to the empty seat that wait for him. He got half way there and detoured so he ended up standing near the podium. Beckett looked up at the moment and something crossed her face that Castle couldn't really name before she started to speak to the crowd. The strength he heard in her voice surprised him and she no longer masked her emotions letting the world see her pain and grief._

"_The best that you can hope for is to find a place to make your stand. And if we are lucky, we find someone to stand with you." Regardless of the fact she stood in front of co workers and family, Beckett turned to look at Castle. To the one of the strongest most confident person she knew. Yes, most of the time he was a nine year old on a sugar rush but that was only because he could see the joy in life most people couldn't. Regardless of that, when a person needed him Castle grew up and became a wall to lean on._

_Confusion hit him first then his face softened as the words finally sunk in. In the moment Beckett truly understood how lucky she was. Castle had always been there. Even after she told him they were over he didn't go anywhere. He called her nearly a hundred times, carried her from the hanger, and held her in the darkness as they waited for the final shot. In the past few days the writer had barley left her side. _

_For so long she had been afraid to let him in. To afraid of the feelings she had for him. It seemed for every excuse Beckett made for holding them back seemed so pointless after everything they had been through. There were far more things she shared with Castle then her own boyfriend because she trusted Castle without a shadow of doubt. When it came down to it Beckett was afraid to put herself out there again, the first time having gone so well. With hindsight, they both broke each other's heart and that might have been the best for them. Sometimes hearts had to grow a part before they could come together._

_She allowed herself to be memorized by his blue orbs for just a little longer. In that quick instance so much was said and promised. Before all this they didn't know where they stood, now it was clear as day. They stood shoulder to shoulder ready to march on to whatever was to come. Together._

_When Beckett looked away Castle let out a breath in hope to ease the rush of emotions swirling in his chest. Strange how much could be truly said with any words. Leave it to them to reach a level ground in the middle of a funeral. When he would have laughed something shinny in the distance caught his attention. Squinting, Castle tried to make it out and he did only it was too late. "Kate!"_

Castle jolted awake the gun shot still ringing in his ear. Struggling to get his heart rate to level, he looked around the room to see if he woke any of the other occupants to find the room empty. He blinked against the light of the morning sun, his mind pushing free of his dream. Once the writer remembered that it was a school day and Jim was most likely walking his daughter down, Castle laid his head back down next to Beckett's hand. Sleep wasn't easy to slip back into. The sickening feeling of hearing that shot again was gripping his stomach and twisting it into knots. Blood. He squeezed his eyes shut trying to concentrate on the black, but could only see crimson. This was the reason why he didn't want to sleep. Every time Castle closed his eyes he would be haunted by the images of that horrid morning. Slowly, he forced his body to relax with each deep breath and was able to dim the images.

Just as he was about to drop of the ledge and into oblivion Castle felt something brush the side of his face. He swatted at it only for it to return a moment later. His eyes flew open for the second time that morning and were graced with the most glorious site. Kate Beckett looking at him. "Kate!" He was on his feet so fast he sent the chair toppling over.

Beckett couldn't seem to get her mouth to work. Her mind was fuzzy and wasn't able to issue any commands. Her body screamed at her to move, it sore and stiff. She shifted her gaze around the room trying to piece together and pin point where the hell she was. The last thing she really remembered was hitting the ground and Castle's worried face looming over her.

"Kate." Castle stroked a hand over her hair bringing her gaze back to him. It took a moment for them to clear of the fog. A huge smile flashed across his tired face, "hey there."

Beckett wanted to touch his face, but she couldn't find the strength to move her arm. All she could manage to do was drum her fingers up and down. "Cas-Castle." She croaked his name, her voice rough and dry. She swallowed trying to ease the burning sensation running down her throat. Everything hurt in some way shape or form.

Castle caught her wondering hand and brought it to his bearded face the movement making her wince. Cursing, he dropped to his knees so her arm now back by her side but still trapped in his. "I'm sorry."

"Hospital?" Beckett asked still unsure of her surroundings.

"Yes. You were shot, do you remember that?"

"Yes." She whispered her eyes fluttering closed as she dropped back into sleep.

Tears blurred his vision as he stared at her, waiting for her to come around again. It felt like a life time had passed before she opened her eyes again. "Welcome back."

The corner of her mouth twitched trying to smile. "Out for long?"

"A few seconds this time around. You've been here for just about a week."

Beckett managed to brush her fingers over his tired face. It was creased with stress and worry. "Look like hell." Her speech was broken as she shifted in between consciousness and the blackness of unconsciousness. No matter how hard she tried, the detective couldn't keep a single train of thought. Normally, a person finding themselves in the hospital after being shot, would panic. Not Kate Beckett. Her body hurt like hell telling her that there was unimaginable damage done to her body. But waking with Castle at her side she knew everything was okay. "Bet I to."

Castle smiled gently caressing her cheek, "never."

Beckett felt him move and she forced her eyes open, "don't go."

"I'm not going far I promise. I have to go get your dad, he's walking Alexis down for school."

"Don't go." She repeated and this time slipped back into sleep.

The writer waited a few minutes in case she came to again, but it looked like Beckett was out for the count this time. His legs were shaky and he more stumbled to the door then walked. Leaning against the wall for support, Castle glanced at the nurse unaware of the tears streaming down his face. "She woke up."

The nurse watched him crumble as if his legs could no long support him. The older woman's heart wrenched with emotions for him and the others she had watched over the last six days. In all her years of being a nurse she really never witnessed such devotion, especially from the man before her. "That is good news, Rick."

"I know. I-." Castle trailed over tears over running his voice leaving him unable to speak. He had done a fairly good job with keeping his emotions in check, but now the flood gates had opened the moment he saw her eyes open. It was now just settling in that he wasn't going to lose her. "For the last six days I was trying to imagine my life with you her."

The older woman smiled, "You don't have to anymore. She still has a long road ahead of her, but she just past the first mile."

"Castle?"

Lanie's worried voice had Castle pushing to his feet, "everything is okay." He assured washing the fear from her brown eyes. "She told me I look like hell."

Emotions swelled and the ME found herself clinging to the dark haired writer. "Sweet Jesus." Lanie whispered pressing her face into his shoulder and let her tears just flow out of her. Beckett was much more to her then just a friend, she was the closest thing to a sister Lanie had.

"She's going to be all right." Castle ran a soothing hand over Lanie's back. Their embrace was basically the only thing keeping the emotionally drained pair up. It was so easy to forget in his own haze of grief that Lanie had been just as distraught. Castle wondered if the ME knew just how much she meant to the detective. "You were right, she's strong as hell."

"And when she gets well I'm going to kick her skinny little ass." Lanie softly vowed drawing a chuckle from the writer. Brushing at the tears on her cheek, she pulled away with a smile feeling slightly better now she got some of her tears out. She had tried to keep a level head over the past six days, even she had a breaking point. "Thanks Castle."

Castle flashed his signature boyish smile, "anytime. I'm going to go get Jim."

"I'll sit with her in case she comes around again."

Which she did multiple times throughout the day and into the night. Her record time of staying awake was five minutes and was usually filled with broken speech and slurred words thanks to the pain killers. By the fifth or sixth time Beckett had a clear understanding of what happened and where she was. She had tried to ask how bad her condition was, but always drifted out whenever someone tried to answer her. After a few tries, they just let it rest and kept the conversation brief and light.

"Hey castle."The detective called out the greeting as she just noticed him standing nearby. Drugged up and feeling pretty good, Beckett looked towards the door with a wide smile. "And Little Castle." The teenager tried not to laugh as the detective continued her sweep of her surroundings like she had done not five minutes before. "Does that mean Mama Castle is here to?"

Chuckling, Martha's face loomed into her vision as she took the detective's hand. "Yes it does, dear. You're family, where else would I be?"

Beckett blinked away the sudden tears as she looked into the face of the Castle family. All of them were tired and the bags under the eyes told her that they haven't had much sleep. She and her dad were close, but they were still working on getting back to being the family they were before. Here, with these people, was a family that willing accepted and loved her. "I'm sure there are more glamorous places to be than a New York hospital." She let out a small cough and cursed at shooting pain through her body. "I'm glad you're all here. All of you."

Alexis wavered at Beckett's side, "I'm not sure-." Alexis broke off before she couldn't finish her sentence. Just the simple thought of Kate Beckett not being in her life made her go cold. The teenager wanted to tell Beckett that she wasn't sure what she would have done if she didn't pull through. Somehow Alexis had grown to love the detective as much as her own mother. "I'm so glad that you're all right." She desperately wanted to hug the woman and Alexis satisfied her need by taking her other hand.

Beckett smiled at the gesture, "I'll give you an IOU for the hug, okay?"

The teenager beamed, "Deal."

Martha noticed Beckett's eyes start to grow heavy, "Come on honey, let's scoot over so everyone else can say goodbye." Beckett opened her mouth to tell them not to go, but promptly shut it. Martha of course didn't miss it. "We'll be back when you wake up again."

Castle slipped into the hallway allowing them all time to say goodbye. With much reluctant he had finally convinced, with much help from Ashley, Alexis to go home for a proper good night sleep. "Ashley." He called for the boy who lingered near the door waiting for Alexis.

"Yes, Mr. Castle."

What eve resentment that the Writer harbored for the teenager just seemed to disappear. "I want to thank you." Ashley blinked at him in surprise and Castle tried not to laugh. "For taking care of Alexis when I should have been. You don't know-."

"She knows how much Detective Beckett means to you, Mr. Castle. Alexis is stronger than most people think. She understands that you're attention has been split." Ashley explained. "Don't think for one second that you're a bad father and don't let Alexis hear you say that."'

Castle laughed at that and gently padded the boy's shoulder grateful that his daughter had such a good guy in her life. Part of him didn't like Ashley just out spite because it was what a father was suppose to do. "Make sure she at least gets some sleep tonight." It took a moment for his brain to register what he had said and judging by the shocked expression on Ashley's face he was just as surprised. "Ignore that. Chalk it up to no sleep and that means what little filter I have is on the fritz."

'More so then usual." Martha smiled warmly at her son as she lead Alexis out into the hall way. "I think she's out for a few hours this time, not sure if she will remember anything she just said in the last few hours."

"You sure you won't come home dad?" Alexis asked slipping into her jacket. It was true that he looked more rested for the first time in days, but there were still heavy bags beneath his eyes and his body was still sluggish. It was a wonder that her father wasn't sick by now.

"I'll be fine sweetie." Castle gently kissed her brow, "I wouldn't say no to you bringing me some things to freshen up with. I think everyone is being too nice and not telling me that I've gone a bit ripe."

"You wouldn't leave the room for more than three minutes so what was the point." Martha smiled padding his cheek, "Call us if anything changes. We will be back first thing in the morning."

0o0oo0o0o0o

Beckett awoke sometime before dawn to the sound of Castle reading to her, more alert this time around. It took a few minutes for her mind to clear of the foggy haze left by the morphine. She didn't alert him of her presence just yet, enjoying the rise and fall of his voice. For a moment, she let his words warp around her forming this blanket of comfort that warmed her. Just like when she read his words off the pages of his book during those dark months following her mother's murder. Beckett had found solace in his writing and ability to tell enriching stories that allowed her to get lost in while just for a moment she forgot about the grief. Once again she found herself enchanted by his story telling, allowing herself to get lost in the adventure of Ron, Harry, and Hermione as they hunted down horcruxes.

Giving her time for her eyes to adjust, Beckett swept the room for the dark haired man. There was a lump in the corner softly snoring telling her that was her father and turned towards her right and found the writer in a chair near the window. In the dim light Richard Castle looked like hell. It was a shock for her to see, especially the nice beard on his face. His clothes were always pressed and clean, his hair always styled, and his face clean shaven. Castle wore the same dark shirt and slacks that he wore to the funeral telling her that he hadn't moved from her bedside.

"Please tell me that you're not going to start reading Twilight next."

Castle smiled, marked his place, and put the book down. "Thankfully my daughter is smart enough not to taint her personal library with such nonsense." Their hands found each other and linked, "I was starting to run out of books to read to you and I wanted something a little bit more uplifting then most of the books in my library. What is more magical then a Harry Potter book?"

"I don't know." Beckett fought the urge to yawn. It wasn't like she was actually tired, but her body knew that she needed sleep to heal. Six days was not going to be enough. "Tonks and Remus die, my two favorite characters. That could be considered sort of a downer. Couldn't you have started from book one?"

The smile now had turned into a grin. Beckett was a Harry Potter geek, just another piece of the Beckett onion was peeled away. "Well I did start with book five, but you were out for those ones."

"Five isn't any chipper. Umbridge-." His words sunk in through the medicine haze and her eyes found his in the dark. The fifth book was a good 800 plus pages that book alone would have taken him two days at the most, one if he read it without stopping. Her heart swelled and tears burned the back of her throat. She wasn't sure she had to words to tell him just how sweet and utterly romantic that was. "Have you been reading to me the whole time?"

"Yeah, you seem to like it." He caught her furrowed brow, "Your vitals always stayed somewhat normal. Alexis took over for me when I slept."

"Alexis?" Her drugged up brain struggled to keep up.

"Been here the whole time."

"Tell me she didn't miss school because of me."

Castle squeezed her hand, "Don't worry Mother took her to school and then Ashley dropped them both off after. I couldn't convince her to go home. She wanted to make sure you were all right. Basically my mother, Alexis, your dad, Ryan, Laine, and Esposito has been camped out in the waiting room for the past six days. No one wanted to go very far."

If Beckett ever doubted that she was loved she would have all the reassurance she needed. Even with her eyes growing heavy with sleep, she realized that Josh's name hadn't been included in that list of people. Maybe the next time she came around Beckett would ask about him. "Did I talk to them?"

"A few hours ago. You were pretty out of it so I guess you won't remember most of it." Even know he was dying to talk to her about his declaration, Castle would wait until she was in a better frame of mind to tackle that one. "You were telling them about some modeling that you did."

Her eyes rounded in horror, "I didn't."

He leaned over so she could see humor dancing in his eyes. "Something about a tennis racket-."

"I am going to kill them."

Chuckling, Castle brushed a kiss over her knuckles, "Maybe you can try when you can keep your eyes open for an hour at a time."

It took great effort on her part to simply lift her hand to his face. Her fingers brushed over his discolored cheek, "what happened to your face?"

He eluded her question by humor, "I didn't think the beard was that bad of an addition." Castle gave it a fond stroke, "In fact I'm thinking of keeping it. Makes me even more ruggedly handsome."

The detective wasn't fooled, but her eyes were already closing against her will and her arm dropped back to her side. "Will you be here when I wake up?"

"Always."

* * *

><p><strong> So What did you think? Let me know if you liked it, hated it, or just didn't give a crap :P Hit the review button and let me know because well I'm a little needy like that.<strong>


	5. Laughter

Well this chapter came out a lot easier then the last ended serious when i wanted it to be a light and fun one. *Shrugs* OH WELL! Again I want to thank everyone that has reviewed, fav'ed, and added this story to their alerts. I've also appreciate the constructive criticism that people have been sending my way. AS much as I enjoy writing and the time I put into all my stories, both fanfiction and original, this is only a hobby for me so there will be mistakes. Also most people don't know but I'm dyslexic and sadly I have to rely on spell check that doesn't always work for me. But anyway enough of that please enough this chapter!

* * *

><p>Moving into day eight, nine, and ten, Beckett was able to stay up longer and hold near intelligent conversations. Every waking moment her room was filled with passing visitors from the twelfth to the Castle family. It warmed her heart that Alexis had remained perched on the bed by her feet while co-workers came in and went. Everyone was always keeping the conversations light and fun, the officers trading jokes and jabs as was customary after being shot on the force. Beckett wasn't as drugged up as they thought and knew that they were avoiding talking about the shooter and anything they might have been found pertaining to her mother's case. The injured detective let it slid for now as she was too sore and tired to get into an argument about it. To be honest since she wasn't falling asleep every five minutes and the doctor deemed her well enough to remove her chest tube, Beckett wanted to be alone with her father and Castle. Separately of course as she had very different things that needed to be discussed.<p>

The more time she stayed awake the more Beckett was remembering things from that day. She could nearly recall Castle's face, laced with fear and worry, looming over her as he cradled her head in his hand. Could hear the crack in his beautiful voice as he pleaded with her to stay with him. And remembered clear as day as the writer spoke the three words she had been dying, literally at that point, to hear from him for quite some time. The only problem Beckett had with his declaration was the timing. She understood that he was desperate as in that moment Castle wasn't sure if she would live, but it didn't mean Beckett had to like it.

"Then here comes my dad stumbling down the stairs with a waffle bat!" Alexis finished her story with very animated gestures drawing chuckles from everyone in the room while Castle was fighting back a deep blush. "And Grams missed getting whacked by near inches."

"Bro." Esposito grinned over at the writer, "A plastic bat?"

"What!" Castle exclaimed, "It was the only thing handy as I don't really keep any sharp objects other then the kitchen."

Lanie took pity on the man and gently patted Castle's shoulder, "At least you didn't nearly take my mother's head off stark naked."

"Lanie!" The detective cried now the one beat read.

"What? It's not fair picking on Castle when he's too exhausted to come up with any clever retorts." Lanie cocked her head to the side studying Castle's bearded and very tired face. The circles were a stark contrasts again his pale skin. The ME made a mental note to do whatever it took to get him to spend at least a good eight hours in a bed. "Have I mentioned how much I'm loving the gruff there, Writer boy."

Castle let her slid on calling him boy instead of man as Lanie usually ragged him on his polished appearance in the middle of a crime scene. "I'm growing found of it to. What do you think Alexis? Does it make be dashing and dangerously handsome?"

Alexis rolled her eyes.

"Please do not inflate his ego any more than it already is!" Beckett begged having spoken for the first time in a while as she had dozed off somewhere in between story telling. "I'm the one that has to deal with him once you all abandon me and leave me alone with him."

"I don't know I kind of like it." Ryan spoke ignoring the jab to the ribs that Jenny. "Becks is so drugged up that I bet you can get her to admit that she likes it to."

"You do know I can hear you, right?" The woman in question asked.

Jenny smiled enjoying the banter being tossed back and forth. It reminded her of the times doing the same between her brothers. Being here, engaging in it herself made her feel like she was finally getting to know her futures husband's family. "Are you guys always like this?"

"Worse when you truly get them going." Lanie assured, "And never under estimate Castle with his arsenal of wit and charm."

"Come on Beckett." Castle turned his blue orbs to hers and they locked into one of their signature long gazes. Something that Castle had overheard Lanie calling 'eye-sex' to Beckett a while back. The room lapsed in silence not wanting to intrude on the moment and Castle could see the detective's resolve starting to waiver.

When he flashed his signature smile, Beckett sank her teeth into her bottom lip for control. She knew that it was only a matter of time before she gave it because in truth she did find it incredibly sexy. "Fine." The room erupted into laughter and both male detectives leaned over to 'feed the bird' with Castle. "It does make you ruggedly handsome, finally."

Alexis rolled her eyes again, "why do you encourage this childish behavior. I've been trying to break him of the habit since I've been four. He'll l never grow up at this rate."

Beckett patted the teenager's hand sympathetically, "I know the pain, Lex."

The knock on the door broke the good mood as the doctor poked his head into the room. "I like the sound I hear in here." The fair haired doctor beamed at the group that was piled in the room on every available surface. "Laughter is the best type of medicine, though I hope Detective Beckett isn't laughing too much. We don't want to undo all the rearrange my surgeon had to do."

"Not too much." Beckett promised. Everything hurt, but the doctor was right, the laughter helped more than any pain killer could.

"Now that you're finally awake I can introduce myself. Dr. Dean Garrison." Dean offered a hand that Beckett limply shook. "I can honestly say that you have a lot of people that truly care for you, detective."

She took a moment to scan the smiling faces in the room her heart surging with unnamable emotions, "They're my family so it comes with the territory." Beckett simply stated.

Dean smiled, "I was hoping to talk to you about your diagnoses and course of treatment before you go under again."

"Please don't be afraid to tell them to get the hell out, I've told them worse." Beckett replied and the room slowly began to empty. She noticed Castle wavered on his way to the door and she found that she needed him to stay. "Castle please don't go."

"Don't worry about Little Castle." Ryan assured, "we got her."

Castle's face paled a bit, "please keep the crude stories down to a minimum. She is the only hope that the Castle family has left."

"I'll be fine, dad." Alexis kissed his cheek and followed the crowd down that hall.

Dean slid the door closed while Castle took the position at the foot of the bed Alexis had relinquished. "First have you been informed of anything?"

"Lanie has told me bits in pieces. I know I'm short two organs, my liver is missing a chunk, and my stomach along with my kidney, among other things, has been damaged. Basically you're surgeon remodeled my insides." Beckett informed missing the grimacing look on her partner's face.

"That's in it in a nut shell. You have a long road of recovery in front of you. You're strong and young, so you can live with what we had to take out."

"Ball park figure."

"To get back to near 100%, I say a year at the most." Dean watched her eyes go wide. "You're going to need a lot of therapy to get your mobility and strength back. Once you are released you will need to have your liver function tested weekly to make sure that it's doing its job. You may need to go in for IV treatment to help transition your body to function on less of the liver. If you're kidney remains stable then dialyses might not be needed. You're looking at least another two to three weeks at the hospital and another surgery may be needed to train any fluids from your chest."

"Three weeks." Beckett hated hospitals. Ironic that she would start to date a doctor.

The doctor's face softened, "Detective Beckett you're very lucky you're alive and talking to me now. One inch either way you could have been paralyzed or dead."

Castle cleared his throat wanting to switch where this conversation was going. He no longer wanted his brain to go into that territory of Beckett not being here. "During the three weeks what other treatment will she receive?"

"I know we've been shifting you a bit each day, but maybe in a day or two we will try to get you up on your feet. The longer you're immobile you're running the risk of clots. Once you can master that we can tackle a bit of therapy. We just need to keep an eye on your septic level and any infections that might form to set back your healing process." Dean gave his best smile knowing that nothing was really going to be to the detective's liking. "Better get comfortable because you're here for a while."

"Thank you, Dr. Garrison." Beckett sighed the moment the door was closed leaving the pair alone. Suddenly, her eyes felt heavy and her body screamed for her to sleep. She hated the feeling, hated that she wasn't herself and had to rely on others to do something as easy as fetch water.

"Are you in pain? Do you need me to get the nurse?" Castle asked breaking the silence.

"No." She shook her head seething through the pain. "That was just a lot to take in. I've only been awake for a few days and I'm already going stir crazy. I want to move so badly but everything I do, even breathing, hurts."

He took her hand watching a little bit of her frustration ease from her face. "I know it does, but it's better than being dead Beckett. I swear-." He bit back his emotions before they could over run his voice. "Kate I saw the fucking lights go out."

Beckett's hand tightened over his and before she could open her mouth the door open robbing of her chance to have the much needed conversation with the man. "Lanie." She cursed her friend's timing.

"Sorry, girl." Lanie whispered, "But it's time for bandage changing and umm well a lot of other things and that I thought you might want me to do and not some stranger. I'm going to have to kick Write boy out for a bit."

"I can take the hint. And it's Writer Man!" He stood, turned to place a lingering kiss on Beckett's brow, and trotted off down the hall.

"I'm just going to say just one thing-."

"You're going to stop at just one?"

Lanie glared and ignored her, "Richard Castle is beyond in love with you Becks." They held each other's gaze and the ME watched the detective brow arch in wonder. "What?"

"That it?" Beckett wondered, "I was expecting at least a five minute lecture from you."

Lanie tugged the current closed, "Oh I have more than a few choice words for you Katharine Beckett, but they can wait a few more days."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The detective didn't last long after Lanie was through with her. For the first time, Beckett was grateful for the sleep so she could escape the pain. Lanie had to change her bandages, check her catheter and give her a quick sponge back, which required her to move more than her body really liked. When she came around it was past the point of dark and could make out harry potter being read. It took her a moment to clear her mind and found her father near the foot of the bed with a book light was the one reading aloud. Thinking Castle was finally asleep, Beckett began her sweep of the dim room.

Jim noticed and couldn't help but smile. "He's not here." He informed marking his place in the book. "Finally convinced him to go him."

"How'd you guys manage that one?" Beckett wondered. No matter how many people came and went Castle was always perched in the chair at her side.

"Ambush, he didn't really have a say. Kevin and Javier had duck tape and rope ready in case they had to hog tie him and carry him out." Jim laughed at the mental image as it nearly came to that. Richard Castle was fiercely loyal to Beckett, a quality that Jim liked the most about him. After spending nearly two weeks with the writer, Jim came to the conclusion that he couldn't even pick a better man for his daughter to be with. "Are you in any pain?"

"Every moment." Beckett confessed, "Dad could you-."

He was already on his feet to help rearrange the pillows around her heard to prop her up some. Pain flashed across her face and she wasn't strong enough to stop the small cry. "I'm sorry. Do I need to get a nurse?"

"No, no, no." She gripped his arm breathing until her vision cleared and the pain ebbed ever so slightly. "I'm okay."

"The hell you are." Jim's voice hardened with emotions, "Katie I nearly lost you."

"Comes with the job."

"This wasn't and you know it. You're a cop and there is risk, I've accepted that a long time ago. But you were shot in the bright day light, in front of dozen witnesses, and the middle of a funeral. That is not normal for a cop." Jim involuntarily shuttered at the memory. "You need to stop-."

"Dad I can't. Its mom's case, they tried to cover it up." Beckett tried to argue, "Mom would want justice."

With a violent shake of his head, Jim's gaze bored into his daughter. "You're mother wouldn't want you to throw your life away. She would want you to live! That means making mistakes, goofing off, having friends, falling in love, making babies, being happy, and living a long a health life. Not chasing shadows that lead you straight into oncoming traffic trying to undo something that can be undone. I lost your mother and myself over this, Katie. You're the only good thing I have left in my life. If I have put you in the ground to-."

Tears rolled down her face, "Are you asking me to give up?"

"No." Gently he wiped the tears from her cheek his heart breaking at seeing his head strong daughter so broken. Even at a young age Kate had always braved the world head on taking her fair share of scrapes and bruises, but she never broke. "I'm asking you to stop making it your life. There is someone out there gunning to kill you because you keep pushing for answers. You're my little girl, I don't want anything to happen to you."

"I know." She tugged him down so she could press her damp face to his shoulder soaking up his scent so it could comfort her. "I've been chasing it for so long, Dad. I need to close this case more for myself."

The father sighed knowing that he could never truly convince her to just walk away. It wouldn't be the woman that he helped raise. "Just promise me two things."

"Anything." The last thing Beckett wanted to do was put her father through any more hell. There was no way she could imagine what he had been through the last ten days.

"Do your damnest to be safe and don't let this consume you. You're not alone and if someone tells you to slow down, you do it."

That sounded easier said than done, but Beckett shook her head hoping she could keep that promise. "I will."

For the next thing, Jim pulled away to look down at his daughter. "Stop and listen to your heart. I know you care for Rick and for whatever reason, you're holding yourself back. I don't know if it's fear or what, but you love him. You deserve to be happy and that's the man who will do anything to make it so."

Beckett was surprised to hear her father advocating on Castle's behalf. If she didn't know any better she'd think that the writer put him up to it. But she did. "It's complicate. I'm with Josh." There she went again throwing out excuses because it was far easier then admitting aloud her feelings for Castle.

Her father saw right through it, "Right Josh." Sarcasm dripped from his voice. "Great guy."

"Dad."

"What? Castle called him personally the moment you were taken into surgery to tell him what happened. Three days, Katie, it took him three days to come. I know you once told me he works crazy hours, but if he even cared for you a fraction of what Rick does he would have dropped everything to come down here. It's not like its half way across the world or anything. On top of that he had the nerve to accuse Castle of being the reason for your condition."

Somehow that didn't really surprise Beckett. Near all of their fights always came back to her unorthodox partnership with Castle. Josh would argue until he was blue in the face saying that it was only a matter of time that she got hurt because of Castle getting in the way. She could never get a word in to defend her partnership. If it wasn't for the writer on numerous occasions she wouldn't have been around to even argue the point. It was Richard Castle who saved her from bullets, held her while they nearly died in a freezer, who held her hand while the timer ticked down on the bomb, and would have taken a bullet for her. The fact that Josh would even have the nerve to say that to Castle's face had her seeing red. "You must really like him a lot, Dad."

"He loves you Kate." He simply stated, "Doesn't hurt that he's hopelessly devoted to you and your well being. And that family of his loves you just as much. Especially Alexis."

"I'm her father's partner-."

"If you finish that thought and actually believe it then that bullet must have messed with your head as well. She looks up to you and admires you. The only reason why she left for school was she knew if you found out you'd kill her." Jim watched his daughter struggling not to smile at the thought. "Why do you close yourself off from happiness?"

"I don't… I don't know." Beckett confessed recalling Castle's argument they had in her apartment. She knew that every relationship she had been in was going to go nowhere and for some reason she pretended it made her happy. Why? It was a mystery that the detective couldn't solve. "I do love him."

"I know you do honey." He could hear it in her voice every time Castle was brought up. His daughter had never really been one to share her love life or anyone who she truly cared about, so it was a surprise when she brought Castle up freely.

"I look forward and all I can see is him. I can see him being my one and done. Having children with him something I wasn't ever sure that I wanted." That revelation had the detective faltering for a second. God when had that even come about? Beckett silently wondered. It didn't take her long to truly figure out. "Being around him and Alexis, made me realize that I really I want to be a mother. I want so much when it comes to Richard Castle and it scares me." And there it was. It all came down to her being scared shitless of how much her life revolved around one person.

Jim smiled, "that's love. It's the most scariest and wonderful thing in the entire world. I wouldn't miss what I shared with your mother for anything in the world." Jim gently brushed his daughter's hair from her face, "and don't be afraid to need him. You don't have to be strong all the time."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

His very comfy bed was calling Castle's name the moment he stepped through the door, but he knew he had things to take care of before he could sleep. The writer locked himself in his office while the others ate and socialized while he began to make calls. His first one was to Agent Shaw to update her on Beckett's condition and to see if there was anything new on her end. The next order of business was to arrange protection for his family and Beckett's father. Castle really hadn't put much thought into it before because Ryan and Esposito had been close always armed and aware of the danger. Now things have changed. He had plenty of money to throw around to get things set in motion.

Half way through his endeavor Castle realized that he should have called a meeting of sorts to warn people. He knew right off the bat that Beckett would fight him tooth and nail about this. It made him think about reconsidering for all of five seconds. No matter how pissed this would make his partner castle didn't care, all that mattered to him was her safety and that of his family. His family, now that was another problem.

Sighing, Castle took a moment in between calls to think about exactly how much he was going to tell them. All they knew was that Roy died because of the case that involved Beckett's mother and nothing more. How was he going to explain why security was needed without telling them about Roy's full involvement in everything? Was there any amount of security that was going to truly keep his family safe? For the first time, Castle found himself regretting his choice to shadow Beckett because it was the first time that it put his daughter and mother in harms way.

Sudden cries coming from said daughter's room had the writing spurring up and bounding towards the stairs. Castle hadn't realized how much time had passed while he was held up in his office as the house was now near bitch black and had him tripping over a fallen blanket near the couch. Cursing, the writer struggled to detach himself from the claws of the fabric wondering where the hell it even came from. Then he remembered his mother saying something about Ashley sleeping over. That's when he heard the male teenager's voice coming from Alexis' room trying to sooth his daughter awake from her nightmare.

As silently as he could, Castle made his way up the stairs. By the time he peeked in Ashley was rocking a very distraught Alexis in his arms trying to assure that it was just a dream. Part of Castle wanted to rush in and take his daughter in his arms because it was his job to chase away the monsters. It was just another unwanted reminder that Alexis was grown up and no longer needed him. Sighing, Castle closed the door leaving her in very capable hands and started to his bedroom before he changed his mind on what he just did. He must be exhausted to let his teenage daughter be alone in her bedroom with her teenage boyfriend.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Beckett awoke the next morning to the door of her room being pushed opened, but it wasn't the person she was expecting. Instead of it being Castle it was actually Josh with his hands full of bags and also sporting a discolored cheek along with a split lip. "Josh?"

The doctor froze straddling the threshold unsure of his permission to enter. "Hey." Josh glanced around the room surprised that it was empty. "No Writer boy?"

"No he umm, I sent him home." It was easier to say that then explain the ambush to make him leave the hospital.

"How you feeling?" Josh discarded the bags in the nearest empty chair so he could read her chart for himself.

"Like I've been hit by a truck to be honest. Going to tell me what happen or do you want me to wait until you're done?" Beckett asked and Josh just buried his face deeper into the chart. "Josh?"

"Castle didn't tell you?" Somehow that surprised him. Josh thought Castle would have ratted him out the moment that Beckett awoke to get on her good side. It was clear as ever that he just didn't understand Castle's relationship with Beckett at all. It was clear that both parties cared about each other, but the more the doctor thought about the more he realized that Castle was only an issue in his and Beckett's relationship because he put him there. "I hit him."

Beckett nearly sprang up from the bed, the sudden movement had her yelping in pain. "Hit-. Oh god that hurt!" She fell back against the bed struggling to control her breathing and the fresh wave of searing pain.

"Sorry." Josh rushed to help arrange her better against the pillows. "For both this and that, I'm sorry. Actually I'm sorry about a lot of things, especially us."

That was more painless then Beckett thought it would be. She figured they'd launch into another argument before it finally reached the end. But Josh was taking the high road and bowing out gracefully, Beckett respected that of him. "I am too."

"He's good for you.' Josh reluctantly pointed out.

A smile crept across her face, "want to try that again with a little less animosity on your face."

"I think it will take a little more time than that." The doctor remarked, "I wanted to stop by to talk to you and maybe try to fight for you, but I don't think I have a shot this time around."

"Josh I'm sorry I truly am. This." She gestured to her condition, "has changed things for me, it opened my eyes on things that I thought I could live without. It made me realize that not only do I want, but I need a person in my life that's going to be around and not jetting off every six months. I want a family and I know you don't and I doubt either of us can change either's mind."

Josh nodded. He didn't like it, but he understood. In fact it was why they had been arguing so much before all this happened. Josh just didn't want to admit that it was his fault that this didn't work, he was more than happy to shift the blame to Castle or her job. Truth was they weren't meant to work, it just took a little time to accept that.

"But I want you to know, it's important for me to know that you understand this." Beckett waited until his gaze turned to hers, "Castle and I have never been more than just friends. I kn-."

"It was wrong of me to think that. I know now that nothing happened, but I know that he loves you and somewhere deep down you love him to. Might take me some time to get over and hopefully I'll be able to be happy about it." Josh let out a soft laugh at how ridiculous this conversation sounded. Part of him wanted to shout and cause a scene. Josh chalked that up to his manly pride because in truth he never really lost a girl to another man before. It was a feeling he didn't like at all. "I tried to change who you were Kate and that wasn't fair."

"I'm guilty of that too." An uncomfortable silence filled the room leaving the detective to search the room to find a conversation started. "What's with the bags?"

Momentarily distracted, Josh glanced at the bags, "actually they're kind of a peace offering for Castle. When I saw him it looked like he hadn't left your room since you got here and was in desperate need of some clothes. So I brought a few things along with a few games and books to pass the time."

"That's sweet of you."

The doctor just shrugged his attention shifting as the door opened again.

"Oh." Martha was startled to see Josh and started back through the door she just came through. "I'm sorry I'll leave you alone for a bit longer."

"It's all right I was just leaving." Josh assured turning to look at Beckett for what could possibly be the last time. "Have a good life, Kate. Be happy."

"You too Josh." And just like that the doctor was out of her life. Strange how his absence wasn't going to leave an ache in her heart.

Martha waited a few beats before speaking, "you okay, kiddo?"

Beckett shook her head clear, "Strangely yes. Is Castle with you?"

"No."

She caught the strain in the actress's voice, "Did something happen? Is everyone all right."

"Of course they are." Martha assured perching herself on the edge of the hospital bed. "it was a hard night and morning for both Richard and Alexis. Let's just say that they could have put world war two to shame with the argument that they had. So I figured I'd come relieve your father and keep your company."

"They fought?" That was so unlike them and had Beckett worrying. It was obvious that it steamed from what happened at the graveyard and the fact that Castle nearly took a bullet from her. She hated the sickening feeling she got when thinking that she had upset or disappointed Alexis in some way.

Martha knew where her train of through went and gently patted Beckett's hand, "Don't go thinking that this is your entire fault. Richard is a grown man and can make his own choice and it just happened that Alexis wasn't too keen on them this morning."

"It's about him shadowing me. She came to visit me some time back." Beckett explained, "She was worried that Castle might be in over his head with following me around. This wasn't long after he and Lanie were held at gun point after they crashed the car into the van. So Alexis was shaken up about it and I promised her that I wouldn't let anything happen to him."

"Which you haven't."

"I have." Beckett corrected, "I put you all in danger. The person that put me here, my mother's case and Roy's death it's all bad. I mean real bad."

"Kate."

"I know they're not going to stop until I'm dead or they're caught. I've been a cop long enough to know that they'll go after everyone I care about. That puts you and Alexis in danger and I'm so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen."

"Honey stop." Martha softly begged gently wiping away the unnoticed tear from the detective's cheek. It amazed her how strong that Kate Beckett always tried to be, even when it was clear the woman was on the verge of breaking into pieces. "What's done is done. Scare all you want we Rodgers are going anywhere. You're family you know."

The corner of Becket's mouth twitched into a smile, "I'm beginning to see that."

"Since Richard met you, I've had the pleasure of watching him change before my eyes. He was a good man, a little lost, but a good man. But you Kate Beckett have made him into a great one. You make both my son and granddaughter happy for that alone I love you." Her declaration took Beckett by surprise and Martha fought back the urge to smile. "But I admire you for the woman you've become even when you're life has been shattered on more than one occasion. It's your strength to get back up that I love the most. You must know that you're mother would be so proud of you."

That last statement broke any control that Beckett had and the tears just came pouring down. To hear Martha say all of these things was just too much to bear. Since her mother's murder, she had longed for a place to belong. To be needed other than as a police officer. And if she had just opened her eyes instead of running away from Castle, she would have seen she had a place all along. "Martha-. I-er. Thank you."

Gently and as carefully as she could, Martha gathered the injured woman into the best hug she could manage and simply held her as she cried.

* * *

><p>So there it is. I don't like the ending but it was the best place to stop this chapter and start the next. Also I know most people may have wanted a big huge blow out when it comes to Josh, but in this particular story line, I think he would take the high rode. I hope you all enjoy and stick around for the next chapter.<p> 


	6. Peace

SO sorry about the delay in this chapter but I wanted to make sure that it was perfect because this chapter contains the talk between Castle and Beckett. I didn't want to disappoint! So I hope that everyone enjoys this chapter. Thank you for everyone who has read, reviewed, and added this story to alerts and favorites. Also thank you to Blooky for looking over this for me!

* * *

><p>Castle arrived at the hospital around noon armed with a duffle bag of goodies and a large arrangement of flowers. "Good afternoon, Detective." He cheerfully greeted peeking his face out from behind the colorful buds. "Hope you didn't miss my ruggedly handsome face too much."<p>

Beckett looked up from the book she was reading and couldn't help but smile. Sometimes she was completely defenseless when it came to Richard Castle's charm or that ridiculous beard he was growing. "Somehow I managed without you." A solid night sleep did Castle good, the bags had receded just a bit and there was a bit more color to his face. Dressed in a pair of jeans and a simple t-shirt Castle could almost pass for human. "Sleep works for you, Castle."

"So I'm told. How are you feeling today?"

"Good. They had to add another IV to the mix. I guess they ran some test and my liver isn't producing some sort of enzymes. I was drifting in and out when Lanie was explaining it to me."

"Still dozing every twenty minutes?"

"No I'm up to every thirty, thank you very much."

Chuckling, Castle began to rummage through his duffle bag, "I brought a hospital survival kit for us. Scrabble, Monopoly, chess, Risk, a pack of cards, poker chips and an E-reader so we can get any book of your choosing. "

"Add that to it as well." Beckett gestured to the things that Josh had brought in.

"Where'd the goodies come from?" Castle asked, picking up the new set of books.

Beckett could have lied, but thought better of it. "Josh brought them."

Castle made a face and dropped it as if it suddenly sprang teeth, "What did he do to them? Lace the pages with poison? Hide razor blades inside?"

"No, it was a peace offering from him."

"Ah." Castle still didn't touch the book again, "He came by?"

Beckett nodded, "Just before your mother got here this morning."

"He didn't stay?"

"No."

Anger flashed across his face at her answer, "Why the hell not?"

Beckett dropped her gaze and began to fiddle with the edge of the blanket, "We're done. We came to a realization that we're just two different people who weren't meant to work together."

"Oh." Castle struggled not to let anything show in his voice but on the inside he was doing flips. "Speaking of my mother, where did she run off to?"

"I think she and my dad went downstairs to get some lunch." She tilted her head to study his face. He didn't look as ragged today though she could see strain in his crystal eyes most likely there from the argument he had with his daughter this morning. "How is Alexis?"

Sighing, the writer rubbed the back of his neck, "Mother told you?"

"Castle, I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. It's all mine." It was all because he hadn't been honest and Alexis called him on it. Castle knew he should have warned Alexis and his mother about his plans for a protection detail, but he thought it was better if they went on with life like nothing was wrong.

"Castle." Beckett watched him as he started to pace and frowned. There was a lot more that people weren't telling her and it was starting to piss her off. "What aren't you telling me? I may be laid up in a hospital bed, but my detective skills are still sharp and I know that everyone is keeping things from me."

Well, there was no way he could get away without telling her, no matter how much he didn't want to. Castle was hoping to prolong this until she was a bit stronger. Sighing, he finally settled and sat on the edge of the bed, "Jordan Shaw came to see me."

"You're just now telling me this?" The detective demanded and would have sprang up if it wasn't for Castle holding her down. There wasn't anything she hated more than being left out of the loop, especially when it directly pertained to her. "What else are you guys keeping from me?"

"We didn't intentional keep it from you, Kate. You really haven't been in the condition to stand the news," Castle defended forcing a hand through his hair, "Look, I don't think I can stand to have another argument today. I can't survive it."

He sounded so defeated and it took all the wind out of her sails. She had no right to lash out at him, especially not after all that he had been through. "I didn't mean to snap at you. I'll save it for Ryan and Esposito." That at least got a half smile out of the writer. "Just start from the beginning."

"Roy sent a packet to Agent Shaw and she came here after she heard the news of you. I don't know exactly what it contained, but it was enough to get the feds involved. Jordan also told me that your place had been tossed. They're cleaning up the loose ends, Kate. So I'm taking precautions and hired protection for everyone including your father and the boys."

Beckett wished she could say that he was just being paranoid, but he was justified in his actions. There was no telling just how far or deep within the ranks this all went. It didn't mean she had to like Castle making decisions for her. "You have already talked to everyone? Including my father and they're okay with it."

"They have to be."

"That's not an answer."

"I didn't tell Alexis because I thought I would be protecting her if I didn't. Great plan that turned out to be," Castle mumbled mostly to himself, "She overheard Mother and me talking about plans of me sending them to the Hamptons for a bit. Alexis walked in when I was discussing protection details and she asked me how dangerous this all was. I mean what do I tell her, Beckett? I'm her father and I should be able to protect her."

"You should also be honest with her," She pointed out, "She's not a little girl anymore and deserves to know what is going on. You want to protect her, I understand that because I want her safe just as much as you do. But trying to hide things from her wasn't the way to go about it. Alexis is smart and knows that all this isn't normal for a cop. I'm sorry that I put you, her, and your mother into this situation."

"This isn't your fault, Kate. You couldn't have known that this was going to happen or that Roy was involved. My argument with Alexis had nothing to do with you or me shadowing you. It was the fact that I was hiding things from her because I thought it would make her safe," Castle gently smiled, "It's kind of scary how much she reminds me of you when she's tearing my head off."

Beckett gave a jerk of her shoulder, "Alexis has been around me enough so some of my habits are bound to rub off on her. Are you two all right now?"

"Yeah. After everything was out in the open we hugged it out." Wanting to change the subject, Castle glanced at the stack of books that Josh had brought. "So what do you want me to read to you today? I figured since you're conscious you can choose."

"Nope." Beckett caught the sleeve of his shirt before he could escape her grasp, "I've waited four days to get you alone."

He raised his brow with a suggestive smile, "Why, Detective Beckett."

"Don't do that, Castle, I'm serious. I'm trying to figure out if you're regretting or just pretending that you didn't say 'I love you' to me." Beckett could tell that she caught him off guard and left him fumbling for an answer.

"Neither, I didn't know if you remembered it. Another was Josh of course. I've always tried to be respectful of your relationship." Even when it literally killed him to see the two together. All that went out the window when she lay bleeding in his arms.

"I remember all right." Bracing for the pain, Beckett used all her strength to tweak Castle's ear and hard.

"Ah! Apples! Apples!" Castle cried shaking his head to detach his ear from her grasp. "Damn it, Beckett, what was that for?"

"Your timing! You wait until maybe I'm about to die to tell me. It was a coward move on your part, Castle."

"I'm sorry! I wasn't thinking straight," Castle defended slinking away when she would have reached for his ear again, "I mean, you were bleeding in my arms and I saw you fading. I was so fucking scared that you were going to die, Beckett, and that you would never know what I felt. I should have told you that night in your apartment. It just things spun out of control and I lost my chance. I didn't want to miss it again."

"I'm sorry." Beckett felt her heart start to sink. She once again wished she could go back to that night and retract the words she had spoken. Wished she could forget that look on his face when she told him they were over. "I didn't mean to put you through this, Rick, any of it. When it comes to my mother I'm so wrapped up in it I can't see right or wrong. I don't want to lose her or her memory."

"Let me tell you something about memories." Castle took her hand, "Memory is a way of holding on to the things you want desperately to remember and remind you of things you never want to lose. You want to remember your mother and what she died trying to do. It also makes you afraid of truly letting yourself live because you don't want to go through that pain of losing anyone."

Once again Castle pegged her. Her first instincts were to deny it and just steer the conversation into safer waters. But Beckett knew it was time to stop running from her feelings for Castle. After all she had a promise to keep to her father. "I've been afraid of what I feel for you, Castle. I thought love took time to grow. But it's not like that, well at least not when it's real. It's been there from the moment I saw you and it's grown ever since. One moment, that's all it took. You walked into my life so suddenly and then I found myself wondering how I got along without you before. My mind kept telling me that it wasn't possible, to run as far away as I could." Beckett felt his fingers laced with hers in support. She was stripping herself bare for the first time with anyone and he knew her well enough to know she would need it. No longer was she Kate Beckett bad ass homicide detective, she was just simply Katharine Beckett the woman who never loved before. A small part of her had always thought love for the weak minded woman and she could just do without. That was mostly out of fear because just the thought of loving someone to make you complete was one of the most terrifying things Beckett could think of. So strange that in the short time it took for the bullet to fire her whole life and the way she looked at it had done a completely one eighty. "Even when everyone kept telling me to just listen to my heart, I didn't because I didn't think you felt the same. Not at first anyways. Once I did I was with Josh and you were with Gina. My mind kept telling me no to love you battling my heart that wouldn't let me stop. I guess I was still afraid."

"You didn't have to be because, Kate, I've never felt this way about someone. I know people think I fall in love with a different person every week, but I've never been so blinded by someone like I have been with you. Working with you stopped being about the books a long time ago." Castle softly confessed, "It allowed me to see you every day and be by your side. I don't just feel empty when I'm not around you, I feel like a part of me is missing and that is why it scares me so much. I've never needed anyone besides my family."

"You've seen every side of me, Castle. The bad, the good, and the ugly and you're still here." Why it took her so long to figure out, Beckett hadn't a clue. Looking back to the conversation back in that tent she should have realized all those things she said she wanted, she already had. Castle had always been there for her through everything. He saw her at her worst and still looked at her like she was strongest person. No matter if Beckett was shattered in a million pieces or strong as an ox, he always made her feel like she truly was extraordinary.

"And I'm not going anywhere. Always." He smiled, reaching to gently brush her tears away. Castle knew they had gone unnoticed by her when she jumped at his touch. Finally, he had scaled that last wall of her heart.

"Always," Beckett echoed. Smiling, she framed his face in her hands. This wasn't going to be easy, she knew and was prepared for that. But for the first time Beckett truly gave her heart to a man, trusting when he said it would be all right, that it would. "I do love you, Richard Castle."

"Well, it's about damn time." The sudden sound of Lanie's voice had the two pulling away and turning beet red.

Beckett pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, "Have you been there the whole time?"

"Sure was." Lanie smiled, leaning against the door frame looking like she wanted to break out into a happy dance.

"Couldn't you have waited until after he kissed me?" the detective whined causing her best friend to laugh.

"Well, what are you waiting for writer monkey?" Lanie gestured, "Get on with it."

Smiling, Castle happily complied and slid his mouth over Beckett's. His lips moved gently over hers taking his time in memorizing the texture and taste. The detective parted her lips, deepening the kiss just a fraction, drawing out a soft moan from her partner. Much to her delight Castle's hand came to cradle her face as if seeking control not to completely lose himself in her. This kiss was gently and tentative, a stark contrast of the one they shared undercover. But it didn't make it any less explosive. She reached for him and he caught the sharp intake of her breath causing him to pull away, much to her dismay. The writer bit back a grin at the sound she made. "Don't hurt yourself, Beckett. I'm yours to kiss whenever you want. Among other things," he added in a low voice.

"Heard that." Lanie assured, "And don't you dare even try anything funny, Castle, until she's ready. Now how do you feel like moving today?"

Beckett thought of the pain and then about how good it would be to get out of this bed even for a few minutes. Her gaze traveled to Castle who had moved aside to let Lanie in, "Castle-."

"Not going anywhere," he simply stated with one of his boyish smiles.

"You don't need to see me like this."

"This might hurt," Lanie warned as she hit a petal with her feet lowering the bed closer to the floor, the jarring movement had her friend hissing. "Now I'm going to sit the bed up more."

"I'm not going anywhere, Kate. You're hurt and you need help. I'm just happy to simply be there for you." Castle waited until Lanie motioned for him to set up post on the opposite side of the patient. "Like you said before, I've seen every side of you and all it does is make me admire you more."

"I'm just not used to being so helpless and needing someone to take care of me. Well at least not from anyone but nurse Ratched here." Beckett seethed through the pain of fully sitting up for the first time. "Just to warn you, I might snap, but it doesn't mean that I don't appreciate the help."

Castle took a moment to think, "So just like at work then."

Her laughter died into a low moan of pain as Lanie gently helped swivel her legs over the side of the bed. For a moment her vision grayed and she feared that she might pass out from the pain. "No more jokes," she begged, as his strong and steady arm slipped around her waist while Lanie rearranged the lines of her IV so nothing would snag upon standing. They were all waiting for her to give the word to move. "Ignore any sound that is about to come about of me. I don't want to ruin this bad ass image I've worked so hard to maintain."

"Secret is safe with me." Castle assured.

"Let us do all the work okay, Becks," Lanie instructed and since Castle had the strength she allowed him to do most of the lifting. Together they slowly inched the detective to the edge of the bed until her feet hit the tile.

Beckett wavered, her arms tightening on Castle's forearm until her knuckles turned white. Pain spiked starting from her lower abdomen all the way to her shoulders leaving her near breathless. "Hurts," she whined feeling Castle shift until he was standing in front of her. "God this hurts."

"Try shifting your weight from foot to foot," Lanie suggested.

"I got you," Castle assured when she looked unsure about the instructions.

Carefully, Beckett braced her hands on Castle's shoulder and began to shift and she half expected to go crashing to the ground. Despite the fact that doctors had been moving her to keep her limbs from being stiff, her legs felt like jelly. "Not sure how long I can do this."

"Just let us know when you're ready and we will help you back down," Lanie informed.

"Castle, I need something from you."

"Anything."

She tiled her head back to look up at him. Sometimes Beckett forgot just how much height difference there was between them when she wasn't wearing her heels. "A hug."

His face lit up like a kid at Christmas and very carefully, Castle slid his arms around her until her head was pillowed on his chest. Feeling her pressed against him and her heart pounding in time with his had all his walls crumbling. He found no shame in burying his face in her hair and letting the tears just roll right out of him. "I'm so glad you're all right. I was so terrified that I would lose you."

"I know," Beckett whispered, running a soothing hand up and down his back. This was something that she was still adjusting to even after nearly three years. She wasn't used to have someone care so deeply before. Instinct had her ready to say 'I'm sorry' then knew if she did, then she was basically apologizing for being a cop, for being who she was. If she even tried doing that with Castle, she'd get an earful from the writer. "Look at me."

Silently, he pulled away with tears shinning in his blue eyes.

"You tried to save me and the thing is you've saved me more than you can ever know. I meant what I said, I'm so lucky to have you to stand with me. I know that with you I can do anything, including closing this case."

"You saved me too, Kate," Castle whispered and smiled when Lanie let out a little cough to let them know she was still around.

Smiling, Beckett started the journey to sit back down. "I take back what I said in the freezer. Getting shot is so much worse than freezing to death." She felt Castle tense, "Too soon?"

"Way too soon."

Once back in bed, Beckett let out a tired breath. She felt like she had just chased down a suspect 20 blocks. "How long am I going to be like this?"

Lanie was already positioning the lines of the IV's back to their usual spots, "I'm sorry to tell you but the tiredness isn't going away any time soon."

"Am I interrupting anything?" Alexis poked her head into the room to look at her father that sat at the foot of the hospital bed.

"Come on in, Alexis."

Castle let out a loud humph of breath when Alexis all but jumped onto his lap, "Easy kid, one person in the hospital is enough for now."

It did Beckett's heart good to see father and daughter jabbing at one another. The last thing she could ever bare to see was Alexis looking at her with any hatred or disapproval. "Your father just informed me that you've been here the whole time. Please tell me that it didn't affect your grades?"

"Nope." Alexis beamed, "All my tests came back and I aced all my exams. How are you feeling today? Dad isn't driving you too crazy, is he?"

"No more than usual. Lanie, where are the boys?" The detective asked as Alexis and Castle lapsed into their own conversation. Now that things were in the open she had a lot of questions to ask and knew they'd have the answers.

"They went to the station today to try to sort out all the mess. Your new captain has just been appointed and wanted a write up on everything that happened since Lockwood's escape." Lanie knew that there was a secret that the detectives were keeping and found that she was happy not knowing if it meant it would put her in danger. "Javier wasn't too pleased about it. They said they would swing by after shift to fill you in, which they've been told not to do."

"Can always count on my boys." Beckett yawned, fighting the urge to keep her eyes open. She had long past thirty minutes and her body was screaming at her to sleep.

Smiling, Lanie filled the last vial of blood she had been working on while Beckett was distracted. For someone who worked with death, the detective was particularly squeamish when it came to her own blood. "I'm going to go send these off and talk to Dr. Garrison about getting you some semi -solid food."

The thought of a milkshake sounded positively delicious. "I would kill for a coffee right about now."

"Not any time soon." Lanie reported, "Now don't do too much mushy stuff in front of the kid. You might scar her."

"What-oh." Alexis trailed off for a moment before her face was split by a wide smile. "Oh!" She gave her father's shoulder a hard poke.

"Ow-Hey!" He cried when she poked him again. "Man, why do I put up with all these abusive women?"

"Guess our little talk helped this morning?" Alexis beamed.

"Talk?" Beckett broke in.

"I'm assuming dad told you about our argument." Alexis didn't really need her to answer, her father shared everything with the detective. Something that the teenager liked because when it came to her own mother she hardly put in the effort to keep up with her life. "Well, in a roundabout way we kept coming back to you and his feelings he clearly has for you, but never talks about. He both fears for you and fears you, cares about your well-being so much that when you hurt, he hurts. Seeing that and knowing that he's doing this because you truly matter to him, makes it so I can never truly be mad at him for not telling me the whole scope of the situation. He's never acted like this for anyone before, that's how I know this is real. That's why I yelled at him to stop being a coward. Life is short," Alexis trailed off when she realized that both adults where staring at her as if she sprouted three heads. "Bet he didn't tell you that part of the argument did he?"

"No." It took a few moments for Beckett to be able to even form the simple word. She really didn't have any of them to express how she felt that Alexis not only supported a relationship between her and her father, but rooted for it to happen. "But I'm glad you told me, Alexis. Hearing it from you makes me understand just how much I mean to him."

"How so?"

"One, you're about the most honest person I know. Second, you are the number one person in your father's life so that makes your opinion the most important one that I seek. Because you are, if you say it's real, it's real." Not like she couldn't figure that one without Alexis, it was still nice to hear.

Alexis beamed because none of her father's love interests really cared too much about her approval or feelings. "Good. Now make her happy dad or we will have a problem."

"Aren't you supposed to say the-ow!" Castle failed to dodge her moving elbow. "All right, I get it! So who is up for some poker?"

"Sounds good," both women replied.

"Go get 'm there in my bag." Smiling, Castle found great joy in leaning down to give Beckett a quick kiss. Oh yeah, he could get used to this! "I love you."

"I love you too." The words felt so good falling from her lips that she wanted to repeat it until her heart was content.

She was out before Alexis could even find the cards.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

When Beckett came back around, the room was full, but only two people were talking. She nearly laughed when her gaze fell onto her father and Alexis, whom shared a chair with Castle, locked in a deadly staring contest holding cards close to their chests. Crowded around were Ryan, Esposito, Lanie, and Martha all watching intently as they had already lost all their chips.

"Not too afraid are you, old man?" Alexis asked tilting her head with a grin.

"Bring it on, Ginger." Jim mirrored the girl's grin as all the occupants of the room leaned in to catch a glimpse of their cards. He pushed the remainder of his chips into the center of the table and waited for the teenager to follow suit. He watched her eye the last piece of slice with longing and then followed suit by matching his bet with her chips.

With one final glance at her cards, Alexis laid down her cards at the same time as Jim. Her four of a kind trumping his flush caused her to let out a cry of joy before hastily scooping up the last piece of pizza. Much to everyone's amusement, just as she was about to bite into it she thought better and split in two, handing half to Jim. Laughing, the older man gracefully accepted it.

"You could give Katie a run for her money," Jim informed causing Alexis to beam.

"So deal me in then," Beckett spoke causing everyone's attention to shift to her.

Castle detangled himself from the chair he shared with Alexis to take a seat on the edge of the hospital bed. "About time you woke up."

"How long was I out for?" Beckett asked.

"Nearly five hours," Castle filled in rearranging the pillows just as she opened her mouth to ask. He gently soothed her hair down, lingering longer then needed. Though everything was out in the open with only Lanie and Alexis knowing, Castle wasn't sure if she wanted everyone else to know. This new development in their relationship wasn't going to be much of a sock, but it was going to complicate their working one. "Can I get you anything?"

She motioned for him to come closer and placed a smacking kiss on his lips. She heard exchanging of high fives and knew it was Ryan and Esposito. Beckett smiled at the way that Castle beamed at her. "Some water."

The writer bounded off the bed to full fill her wish with the water on the bedside table. "Here you go."

Beckett took a long pull from the straw, the cool liquid feeling great against her dry throat. "Okay so tell me what's going on?"

Esposito glanced at Alexis and Martha, "Well I think-."

"Don't try to convince anyone to leave." Beckett knew that it would just be a waste of time and they would need to be told eventually. This touched each and every person in this room.

"The shooter is in the wind." Ryan started with a small frown, "you'd think with that many cops we would have caught him, but the bright side he didn't have enough time to break down his weapon. He left it and we are in the middle of trying to trace a place of purchase to see if we get a location of the owner."

Esposito jumped in as he pulled a file from his brief case, "Agent Shaw has been keeping us informed ever since certain information fell into her lap." The detective caught himself before he could divulge the nature of said information. "She's frazzled because just like us she doesn't know how far this goes. I know that you didn't like it, any of you, but I think Castle is justified in hiring protection. The new Captain wants to revisit everything ossicated with this and your mom's case."

Beckett sighed. If that was the case then Roy's secret was bound to come out. "And she wants me to keep me out."

"She's not bad, I mean she's no Montgomery but she seems fierce in wanting to get who shot you." Ryan informed looking at Castle. "We wanted to warn you that she might have an issue with the arrangement with Castle shadowing you."

"Saw that one coming." Castle mumbled. "It's something that we will deal with once you get back to work. Just like everything else." He held up a hand before Beckett could jump down his throat, "I'm not asking you to just give up, Kate. I'm just asking that you focus on getting better so you can get out of here that's all."

"He's right." Jim backed up the writer and knew that it would be enough to win over his daughter. "You have a long road of recovery ahead of you and if you push yourself to hard you're just going to cause more damage and setting you back."

Beckett looked to the two detectives, "Just keep me informed and stay safe."

Esposito smiled, "Don't worry Castle's got us some protection too."

"Okay just deal me in." Beckett instructed wanting to bring back the happy mood to the room she woke up to. Her father and Castle were right, the best thing she could do right now was stay low and keep out of trouble. "Let's see if I can beat the kid."

A smile crossed the redhead's face, "You can try."

The game and laughter lasted until visiting hours were over. Beckett was starting to gather by the way the Castle's lingered in the room with her father they had more things to talk about. Castle sat back on the edge of the bed, "I've got something to discuss with you. In three weeks you're going to be out of here. And we." He gestured to his family, "would very much like it if you stay with us afterwards. You're going to need help and who better to help then your family."

Beckett's first instinct was to refuse to offer. Having Castle waiting on her hand in foot now was bad enough, at home she would have to rely on him for everything. Part of her was scared shitless of it because she had never relied on anyone but herself for so long. "Are you sure?"

"There is plenty of room." Martha charmed in with a bright smile, "and you'll be surrounded by people who want to just love and help you."

"Just think how easy it will be to protect all of us if we're in the same place." Castle smirked trying to lighten the situation. He wanted nothing more than to have Beckett move in permanently, but didn't want to risk scaring her off.

"We want you there." Alexis said.

Here she was surrounded by people who loved her and wondered why she wanted to say no. This was her family and there was no need to run from it just because it made her happy. Beckett just had to get use to being loved and love in return. "Well if I haven't driven you insane by the time I get out of here then, yes."

After goodbyes and once they were alone, Castle moved to sit in her regular chair only for Beckett to snag him by the shirt tales. "What?"

Beckett didn't want him to go just yet, "Come here."

Very carefully, Castle maneuvered around all the tubes and sat with Beckett leaning against him. "You okay?"

Beckett pillowed her head on his chest comforted by the sound of his beating heart. "Perfect."

"They aren't going to like this." He pointed out, but no power on earth could make him move. For the first time since he heard the echo of the gunshot Castle felt calm and at peace.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

She tiled her head back and gently moved her fingers over his cheek. "For helping me, putting up with my moods and crankiness."

"I know you don't like being taken care of because you're independent. And you were just shot so you're allowed to be moody and cranky. Just know you can push, shove, curse, and twist my ear all you want, but I'm not going anywhere as long as you want my help."

Sometimes it was scary just how well Castle knew her. "Thank you for just being you, for being there."

Because he could, Castle lowered his mouth to hers and was quickly lost in her taste. If he wasn't careful he could lose control and had to force himself to pull away. "Always."

Smiling, Beckett laid her head back down and was lulled to sleep by the sound of Castle's beating heart. For just a small moment everything just seemed perfect.

* * *

><p>So what did you think? Let me know by hitting the review button below. Now I'm not sure how many more chapters I will be doing for this particular story as I have no clue or theory just who is involved the shooting and murder of Beckett's mom and I'm not sure if I'm going to try to guess. I will most likely do a few more with Beckett staying at Castle's place. Plus I have to get this story done by the end of the month because my 70 hour work weeks start up then and I won't be able to write as much and don't want to leave it incomplete. Anyways thank you again for even taking the time out to read this story!<p> 


	7. Author

Guys thank you for all that stuck with me through this story. I feel like I have more to write, but it seems my mind wants to jump so I started a companion piece to this called Beyond Hope: therapy and picks up with Beckett having to go the therapy. It is over this way

.net/s/7354523/1/Beyond_Hope_Theapry

again thank you all for sticking with me on this one. I'm not abandoning this one, but just going where my pen takes me.


End file.
